How does one know what to eat?  How much do you when to eat? How much?  


I know these seem like very silly questions to be asking but someone like me who has been struggling with binge eating and her relationship with food these questions are like quantum physics.  


I honestly don't know the answers to some of them.  For me I get the fundamentals...Ideally you want to eat every few hours, you should eat quality foods, and only till satisfied not stuffed (Hello any idiot with a computer could figure this out) yet for me it is not that easy.  Honestly knowing what true hunger is, is hard for me.  Knowing the difference from wanting to eat because I am stressed and a true craving is hard.  Knowing what is a craving such as darn I really want some chocolate and being able to eat a few bites and be satisfied is such a foreign concept to me.  I know that people do this and to me they are a wonder of the world right up there with the friggin pyramids.  So seriously I don't know that I could honestly take a few bites of something I was really craving and leave the rest alone.  I have done this but it involves me throwing said item in the trash after a few bites because I always want more than a few bites.  


I know in my heart if I continue to work on intuitive eating, listening to my body, trusting my body that these things will get easier but still they seem so foreign to me.  I know that I need to give myself time.  I know that just like with learning to accept the image I see in the mirror I have to learn to listen to my body, learn what I am actually craving, and how to eat that item and not have it set me off into bad eating.  


Right now there are leftovers from the hubby's birthday sitting in the kitchen (I wrote this post on Sunday and am posting it later on in the week).  I indulged today and allowed myself to eat those things that I normally don't because it is a celebration.  My goal is to realize that the celebration was today...not every day till the food is gone.  I know I can do this, yet part of me wonders what a life would be like in which I don't think about the leftovers calling my name in the fridge.  Maybe that day will never come but hopefully I can begin to trust myself and my body to just ignore those lusty calls of homemade pierogies a bit better.  How do you handle eating?  Do you struggle with how to eat? Or are you one of those lucky few I mentioned?  I would love to hear!

So this past week I have decided that now that my life has settled down a bit that it is time for me to get to work on some of my personal issues.  One of those issues is that I really want to be ok with myself image.  I am not saying that I want to become complacent with and stay at my current weight, that is not it at all.  I want to be ok with my body and self image regardless of size or number on the scale.  I need to work on this because if I am being honest, despite how thin I was pre babies, I wasn't happy at that weight either.  I have always wanted my body to be something other than what it was.  The only time I have loved my body was when I was pregnant because now my body had a purpose it was growing a life and I was proud of my body.  So I decided that this something that I need to begin working on.  Really beginning to take a good look at my self esteem issues.  It is not an easy thing to do.

I started to realize that I do not even look in the mirror anymore.  I look quickly to put on my make up.  I look quickly to make sure I don't look like an a-hole in my clothes, but I don't really look in the mirror.  Over the years I just stopped looking.  I stopped because I was always negative when I looked so I stopped that negative self talk but stopping looking.  I know this isn't good but it is reality.  So this past week I decided that I need to start looking at myself.  Stop and take a moment and really look.  The good, the bad, the lumpy...all of it.  To honestly look at myself.  I know that it will be hard.  It will be hard to see an image that I know I don't like.  Yet, I realize that the first step in accepting myself and image is to really look at myself.  So here goes starting today I will be spending some quality time looking in the mirror...Yikes!

So I thought that I would take a few minutes to put down on this blog some thoughts that I have been having about my eating style.  In alignment with what I am teaching in my US History courses I have showed Food Inc, an amazing documentary about our food industry.  I watched it before but having to watch it several times a day has really gotten my attention.  I think I need to pay more attention to what I eat and where it comes from.  I am always "watching what I eat" but a lot of times I am looking to save a buck and not thinking about the quality or where my food comes from.


Papa Hunt and I decided that we need to start getting our meat from the local butcher who raises the meat before he sells it in his shop (god bless rural New England where you can look out and see next month's meat in the fields).  Some people would think this is gross but for me it means I know I am getting good quality food.  Yet, for me this doens't seem like enough.  I have been seriously considering becoming a vegetarin (and due to my dairy intolerance technically I would be vegan).


For me this has been a hard thing to think about my family is a family of meat eaters and I am not on some big mission here to change them or anyone else other than myself.  I have always done werid eating things in terms of loosing weight but trying to eat clean has gotten me to realize that eating is more than how many calories we take in, it is what and when we are eating.  This leads me to think more and more about eliminating meat from my diet.


The big question then is how...I don't have the time nor the funds to make two meals one for me and one of the the rest of the family. So my thought is this.  Over the next few months I am going to slowly begin to limit the amount of meat I eat.  I am going to cook more vegetarian meals for the family, get them into the habit of eating more meatless meals (which is good for everyone's health).  Then if I feel that is working maybe over the summer when I have the time to experiment more with cooking I will cut back more and maybe eliminate meat.


Its weird though, I can't honestly say I know 100 percent why I feel that I should cut back on meat. Part of it is healthy, part of it is knowing I will heat healthier which will led to weight loss, part of it an enviornmental/animal thing.  I just sort of feel this is right.  For a long time I have not done what I feel I should because I didn't trust myself....so I figure try it out see how it goes and go from there.


Also, those of you who know me don't panic that I am going to be one of those "Vegan People" not the above I am not making some big political statement I am just trying it out.


What are your thoughts? Anyone a Vegetarian?  Vegan?  Hard core meat eater who will never give up the burger?

So I have sort of been floundering as I mentioned in Friday's post. Well now that life has started to settle down (or more realistically I have begun to get used to these large bumps in the road) I feel that now is the time to start putting the focus back on me.  I have a goal to be at my pre pregnancy weight or as close to as I can by my birthday.  Then after that I will set a new goal. So on twitter one of the gals I follow posted about a new challenge going on.  I thought, what the hell why not join up so I did.  So as of Sunday am I am part of the challenge.  This week's goal is to get 30min of exercise a day (which will be tough because I have a ton of meetings and after school stuff this week) but I am going to try to do it.  Even if it means me and turbo jam spend some quality time in the basement!  I need to start realizing that I am going to have to give up some of my precious time after the kids go to bed to put to exercise.  Oh well the nails and knitting will just have to get put on the back burner for a wee bit while I get this weight thing under control.   So as the challenge progresses I will keep you all posted.  If you want to check it out, check out Dacia's site which is where this challenge is originating.  

I haven't done this in awhile so here goes...also don't forget to check out the original Friday Confessional over at Dandelion Wishes.

I Confess-
I have gained six pounds with the holidays and haven't take it off yet

This six pounds haunts me because it means that I back that much farther from my goals

I Confess-
Although it haunts me it isn't enough for me to get my booty in gear..I was too stressed and overwhelmed with my dad being sick, and work, and my hubby not doing well with his depression that something had to give and that was weight watchers and counting points.

I Confess-
I haven't been trying hard enough but think I have finally gotten back to being in the correct mindset. I have decided to give up all sugar for lent and really make an effort to detox myself over the next forty days. 

I Confess-
This loosing weight business post babies and the second time around sucks ass.  I wish it was easy, I wish it was...but its not.  It just sucks big ass balls and that is all there is too it. 

I Confess-
I don't know if I am ready yet to do all the hard work I need.  Maybe I need to get some life stuff sorted out first. 

Someone out there must have known me because a few weeks ago I was offered coupons to try Crazy Cuizine's Orange Chicken.  If anyone knows me they know I am a Chinese food freak.  I will opt for that nine out of ten times when asked what I want to eat (the other one thing I would choose over Chinese would be dessert).  So as soon as I got my coupon for a free box in the mail I went out hunting for them.

I was able to find them at my local BJ's and when I asked one of the workers if they carried the brand the women could not stop raving about all the different types especially the orange chicken.

So I got this glorious box home and figured I should flip this bad boy over and see what kind of damage this food was going to do....and honestly It was as horrific as I was expecting.  Now mind you as good as it is you can't be eating this everyday otherwise....I see weight gain in your future.  But is most likely not as bad as if you got the same orange chicken from your local take out place.

So this past weekend I was in a pinch for something for lunch and I had orange chicken on the brain.  So I made half of the box up.  Super easy, throw it in the oven cook away then nuke the sauce and toss. OMG did my house smell good. Plus they did something with the better to make is extra crispy when it was cooked, in a way that most frozen and breaded chicken isn't.  It was a huge hit, in fact Papa H barley left me any!


I decided to put my over some salad rather than with rice (trying to be at least somewhat healthy) and it was a suggestion on the box.  It was heaven.  Saucy little chicken bites over baby greens.  No dressing needed.  Only problem I totally want to hit up the other half of that box in my freezer!  I am saving them though because I think that they would make a great appetizer for an upcoming party.  So if you have a chance and you see these little gems at the store, why not pick up a fun change of pace and get some chinese take out from your freezer case!

Painting Pottery

Shoe Shopping

Snuggling (and playing with our phones mine and Josie with a Mickey Mouse cell)