So I have been typing this post now for three days, deleting and retyping. Mainly because I don't want to reveal too many of my deep dark issues or hurt any one's feelings although I am fairly sure that other than a few co-workers and my cousin only other bloggers read this blog!
I have been trying to write a post on the struggles I have been having lately with not taking things too personally. As I am working on becoming the best person I can be, this has left me feeling very delicate. So something like someone not coming to my daughters party (Lexy it this isn't you) I start to question what about me makes someone not want to make this day a priority. I know there are a 100 different reason for people not being able to attend but I instantly take that personally. I know that for most people kiddie parties are a jab your eyes out experience. Other things like issues at work plague me for days. I think that if i was a better teacher/worker/coworker, these things wouldn't happen. I instantly take these things to heart when I should let them roll off my back. Yet I have never done that, I would just eat to make myself feel better and since I am not doing that anymore (ok trying not to do that anymore) it leads me to feeling raw. Exposed. I don't like it.
I like to pretend that everything is fine, that I am the pillar of strength. I know that showing emotion and letting people know that I am dealing with all this does not make me weak, but it is so out of my comfort zone! I find that I fluctuate between emotional hot mess to full on bitch. This whole new world of experiencing emotions is new to me instead of eating them away. So you can expect a more posts of how I am a hot ass emotional mess...but at least I am not sneaking around eating cake a ho-hos!
Thanks for letting me vent blog world!