So Friday it happened...it has been brewing for a week or so.....I lost my shit at work! Although I want to talk about it here, I often don't and should. I have been working really hard with my Dr. to deal with my eating issues (lets call it what it is an eating disorder). For years I have been starving myself and binge eating more binging then starving. As I am dealing with these issues it has left me feeling raw, overly sensitive, and very very emotional. You take away the one thing that helped me keep my emotions locked away and you throw in a horrible week at work it leads to a loss of shit on my part. It doesn't really matter what it was over (I was sick of doing other people's job and told my boss they should be doing there) and I got fired up at one of my many bosses at school, he called me out on it, and I got so angry I started to cry. Those huge angry tears, the ones that no matter how hard you try to stop them, they come anyways. I know I shouldn't have been but I was horribly embarrassed at my lack of control. I know. I know I showed that I was human..god the horror. But for me who has spent years and years covering up my emotions, pretending to be ok when I am not, to show my coworkers that I was really upset was a very hard thing for me. Even today as some of them check in on me to see that I am ok it hard not to be embarrassed but I know that this is part of my growth. Learning how to experience emotion and process it in a healthy way. Maybe I needed this loss of shit moment to help me on my journey of figuring out who I am!