So the past few weeks have been crazy as you can tell by my posts. I have started to feel like I am locking down my family. That more often than not I am enjoying being home with the kids and Papa Hunt. Doing family stuff. Although we have had social things to go to they are stressful. Stressful for D who because of his anxiety it causes him to get overwhelmed after social situations. Also, if Papa Hunt is having an off day (thankfully those are getting less and less and we are seeing a bright light at the end of this depression tunnel) it is hard for him to be on for other people. I am a social butterfly but lately I have just wanted to be home. I went out on Friday night with friends from work, laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, but in the end I missed my family. This not wanting to be out and social is weird for me. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea like I am depressed and locking myself away (I did that the first time Papa Hunt had a bout with depression and it wasn't good) it is more like nesting. Like i am trying to take care of my family, to heal them, make them whole again. A wise woman in my life said its not lock down it is you creating a sanctuary for your family. You are doing exactly what your kids needs, for you to be there for them. She then said something that shocked me....she said you are growing up. It feels weird because you are not used to it, but this is grown up life. You spend your time with your family and love it rather than with a social circle. That hit me....that is exactly it. I am choosing to forgo doing social things or me things because I want to be with them, not because I have to. I think this somehow makes it sound like I hated spending time with my family prior to this, but that is not true, but I would desperately miss my pre-kid social time with friends or just by myself. Yet, lately I find I am not missing it and that I just want to do the mom and wife thing. So maybe now at almost 32 I am growing up!! Imagine that.