So for over a month now I have been broken up with weight watchers. My weight has gone up a bit and down a bit but has stayed relatively the same. I was so scared that if i stopped weight watchers if I stopped obsessing about calories, if I stopped being obsessed with my food in take and exercise that I would clearly balloon up 40 pounds instantly. Am I happy that I haven't lost any weight in six weeks, well hells yes. Yet, in the spirit of honest I am not really trying. I am getting used to trusting myself. Learning to be ok where I am. At some level that is a lesson I need to learn. That I am beautiful now at over 200 pounds just as I was when I was 160. That I can't spend my life wishing I was a number on the scale or a size in clothes. I know the truth, I wasn't happy when I was a size 10 and 160 pounds I wanted more-I know that the first step to really being happy is being happy as I am. The next step is working on healthy. For me that is eating cleaner (cutting the shit food out and focusing on healthy natural foods) and exercising on a regular basis. I want to use the summer to create some better habits to head into this school year. I had really wanted to be heading out of the 200 for when school starts, but if I can learn to enjoy my life as I am now, enjoy my time with my babies, and begin to set a great example for them...in reality that is more important them some stupid ass number on the scale. I am not saying that 200+ pounds is healthy...its not. But what is more unhealthy is always being obsessed with food and weight. So here I am standing still and that is ok. I did weight watchers, I did obsessive clean eating, I did counting calories and for August 1, 2011-to now I have gotten to about 7 pounds lighter than I am now...the difference I am not beating myself up with every "choice" I make. Kelly over at http://www.curvyfitgirl.com/ mentioned what she was not willing to give up in her journey. I said I could never give up coffee....but for me I have realized it is not what I won't give up as much as what I need to give up....What I need to give up is the obsession that has run my life for as long as I know. The quest to be something other than what I am right now. That needs to go...the weight that will come off in time. I have to trust with modifying my eating habits slowly but surely, exercising regularly, and finding a happy balance in life will ultimately lead to a thinner me...but for now I need to be ok holding still.