I know I am probably violating some sort of blog code of ethics in which I shouldn't talk about religion or politics but oh well....its my blog and as Cartman from South Park would say "I do what I want".
As a young girl I always went to church and in college although I did not choose my college because it was affiliated with my religion I attend church regularly and had several friends who I would attend mass with. After college I hit a lull in my church attendance but when I got pregnant with Dylan I felt a pull back to church and was a regular attendee until we moved to our new home in a different town. I never felt particularly attached to this new church, not for any reason just not connected. If I am being honest I don't think I have been more than 6 times in the last few years until recently. I struggle with my faith a lot for several reasons....or perhaps not my faith but my church attendance and connectedness to the church. My husband although the same religion as me had parents who did not attend church or make them go to religious education classes. I think because of this and his strong scientific background he in not in anyway religious. When we first got married there were a lot of promises about him attending Church with our children etc. I have found out that this was not really his intention. That might be another post for another day. Needless to say going to church with two kids alone is something out of my worst nightmare and I would be getting nothing out of the mass because I would be too busy maintaining my kiddos. The hubs has offered to watch the kids while I go alone but that is not the vision of a faith filled life with my kids I had in mind. I also have struggled with some of the views of my church/faith lately. I am a huge supporter of reproductive rights and universal health care, something my church does not support. Although I myself would never have an abortion I am also not 15 and pregnant and think that every woman should have options. I also think that if you are gay you are just as deserving or rights and Gods love as me or anyone else for that matter. My church's stance it a bit different. So to stop the rambling...I have been struggling to say the least.
I miss that warm feeling that I used to have when I attended church, the feeling that I had from a strong faith which I feel I am lacking. Not that faith and church attendance have to go hand in hand, but I do think there is a connection. So recently I have decided to give my church a second chance, maybe because my oldest is now in CCD and he needs to attend. He and I get up early on Sunday and go together and then get doughnuts (how else do you think I get him there). I also am attempting to have a more open mind about this particular church....I loved my hometown church and I loved my college church and maybe I just haven't give this one a chance. I also bought myself a bible and daily devotional book. I think that my lack of faith might be more than church attendance and maybe if i spend some more time exploring my faith I feel more connected to the faith community.
I think my faith just like my weight/health it is in my hands. I can't blame other people or my hectic life on why I can't can't loose weight just like I can't blame my lack of faith and church attendance on anyone other than myself.
Alright I promise I am done with my religious rantings.....well at least for now!