As I said in my weekly update post-my birthday was Monday. I am sure like many of you I think back on this year and there is much I am proud of and some that I am not. I am not proud that I have let my weight creep back up to almost 230 pounds (yikes I hate writing that but its the truth and this blog is my safe space and even those people in my real life who read this would never judge me on that number, I am the only one who judges me on that number). This has made me sad, number one because I have let 15 pounds creep on in the last 8months and that I let that number rule my life. I hate the my clothes are tight, I hate that I don't feel as good as I used to. A friend at work recently had weightloss surgery and she offered to take me to her support group meeting to check it out. To be honest I was ready to get that shit done the moment she offered because I want to not worry about that f-ing number. I want to be free of hating everything about the god damn scale. Yet, the truth is I haven't been trying-not really. I have been busting my ass with the Mamavation program which I am so lucky to be a part of-but my eating is still not any where near what it needs to be. I am eating a lot of crap.
So I made a decision-I am giving it a year. A solid year of trying my hardest both fitness wise and weight watchers and if in a year I am still struggling I am going to go back to therapy to decide if I should have weight loss surgery. It has been a crazy few months with the hubs heading back to school and trying ot manage my anxiety on my own (and minus the 15 pounds I think I have been doing a good job)
So this weekend I am rejoining weight watchers (not the half assing it online kind, but get my ass to a meeting kind). I have recruited some friends to maybe join with me. I told the hubs, once easter is over we are purging the house for me and for the family. We are going back to eating as clean as possible. I need this. I need this...I need to get back on track.
I also have to tell myself that I am capable of so much more than I think...If I can bust out 100 burpees every time it gets tweeted over on Mamavation, I sure as hell can give the diet part another go. So be on the look out I plan on posting my weekly weigh in's either as their own post or part of my Mamavation Monday post.