Ok so this post is totally going to be rambling one that is more for me to vent then anything else. I won’t go into too many details because I don’t want to talk about the details too much.
So here is a little background. I have a good friend (One who is much younger than me) who I found out is having their first child. Since they are younger and not exactly ready to have a baby (lets be honest no one is really ready) I have really tried to be supportive and a cheerleader for my friend as they start this huge life event. I know personally how hard motherhood was when I was 26, married, and financially settled. I really decided I wanted to be a support for them since I know that good support in their life is often non-existent.
Well I found out randomly though the grape vine that perhaps what I just assumed was an unplanned (yet always welcomed) baby might have been actually planned. My first reaction was outrage followed by need to know. This friend was not prepared job, housing, or even medically (no pre prenatal care or drs visits) to have a child. Then my reaction was I wanted to know if this was true. I wanted to know because I felt sort of foolish that I was so worried about this friend and their fiancé. If this was something that was planned and had I known that I might have done things differently-or felt differently.
Then my husband-the one who brings me clarity and sanity looks at me and says. “Its not your f-ing business, and it doesn’t change the end-X is having a baby and you will still be there” Then it hit me, he was right (despite how much I hate to admit that).
This was none of my business; I would never ask the friend that is my age that question. I also know it wouldn’t change the fact that I know my friend needs me for this big moment in their life and that even when planned parenthood is a crazy ride that you need all hands on deck for. Because I know that our friendship often has a mother/child feel to it there is that part of me that still wants to know. I think so I could be mad…. or maybe even more sad and worried then I am for them.
I don’t want anyone reading this thinking I am saying my friend won’t be a good parent…of course they will. They are excited to be welcoming this child into the world and doing everything they need to. I think it is just the experience of knowing what it takes to raise a child when you have a good job, and a place to live, and financial security-I can’t imagine doing with without all of those things.
Yet, then again as my hubby reminded me that is not my business. It goes back to a post a made a long time ago. By being upset, by wanting to know, in a way I am judging them. I am judging their choice. Lets be honest here…in today’s day and age both consciously choosing to have a child and not using protection to prevent having a child is really not that different. This friend has been through a lot in their life and I can honestly say has lived more of a “life” at their younger age then I have at mine. Maybe this needs to be a case where I just follow my original gut instinct, the one I had when I found out this friend was expecting and that was to support them no matter what