Yesterday would have been my dad's 65 birthday. It makes me sad to think that he never made it to what many consider "official senior citizen" status. On the other hand I know my father feared being and old man. That is not to say that he wanted to go this soon, but I know he never wanted to be old and in a home.
So my original plan was to get up early and go to the cemetary and visit his grave and bring him an angle statue that I bought. My father loved filling his yard with all sorts of angle statues. A few months ago I bought two matching Angle statues one for my garden and one for his grave. I felt that way there would be a connection between my garden and him (my father grew some of the most amazing flowers). Then I started to think about it. What did my father like to do on his birthday. He loved to do the things that made him happy. He often would say "Its my birthday I am going to do what I want". If we were up at the lake-which we often were. He would go out early and go fishing, we would go to breakfast, and then maybe have dinner out. He was a big fan of buying himself his own present....or presents! Many of which my mother didn't know about. So I started to think hanging around the cemetary being sad wasn't really the best option.
So yesterday I got up early and ran to Dunkin to get us all doughnuts. My dad would get the kids doughnuts once a week when he brought htem to school (ok it was more than that until I told him he could only do it once a week). In the summer he would often call us early and say he was metal detecting and could he stop by-doughnuts for the kids in tow (and sometimes a coffee for me)
Then since my father's favorite meal was breakfast we had breakfast for dinner to celebrate. I also took some time during the day to spend some time doing something I rarely do during the day ever-which is read a book. I finished the book I was reading and lounged around for a good part of the day.
I felt that a day like that was a better tribute to my father than sadness and tears a grave. I think going to the cemetary has its place.....but for some reason I am just feeling that is not where he is. I can't quiet put into words what I mean...but it just didn't feel right going there.
It was a nice day...although there were moments where I was sad....that is every day.
So to my dad-Happy 65th. I miss you today and everyday.