I can't believe its been so long since I have written a post. Life has been good and complicated and not so good at the moment. In terms of my healthy journey I am doing well-I have lost almost ten pounds since Janurary. I know that doesn't seem like much but I am feeling a little bit more in control then I have before. I even gave up sweets for lent and despite a fall "off the lentin wagon" on my hubs bday I haven't really eaten any sweets or candy.
My own journey with grief etc actually has been going really really well. I have been doing ok but the kids have been having a rough time. I will save that for another post.
Right now I am struggling to live in the moment. We have a lot of credit card debt...not the unpayable kind just a lot more than I would like and the kind that makes me hate to have it. The debt means we can't get a different house, it makes me feel like a failure financially. I have a plan moving forward but right now it seems to cause me a ton of anxiety. I know that debt is part of American culture but I hate it. Part of it is piss poor spending habits on our part. Always wanting more then what we have. Always thinking I need to keep up with the joneses. I hate that I can't take my kids on a big expensive disney vacation. I hate that I can't do those things till this debt is gone. I hate that I keep paying and paying and paying but then some major shit storm of finances hits and all the progress I made just goes right back on that stupid piece of plastic. I know I need to tighten the belt but I hate doing that.
But back to the living in the moment. If my dad's death has taught my anything-it is that you don't know when your time is up. Why spend your last few days worrying about money. I know that eventually that debt will be paid off...someday and there is no sense in spending hours worrying about it. As long as I am paying it off slowly and steadily we will get there. Not maybe in the time frame I would like but eventually.
So right now things are up and down...but mostly ok