ME-Mommy Etc

Still Here

2012-01-27T08:40:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to put down a quick post saying that I am still here. Despite the crazy thing that is my life i Have been hanging in weight wise. I have lost about two and half pounds in three weeks not a lot but I will take it! Also things with my dad are at a stand still, nothing major needs to be done right now about his heart but he still needs to see a specialist to make sure he won't need surgery. Work is going well we are in exams which is a nice break because we have half days but that also brings the grading of these exams which is a bummer. So hence the short post. I am off to grade. Hopefully I will begin to post a bit more regularly starting next week. I have been reading and can't wait to post a few reviews of some of the books that I have read lately. I hope this finds the rest of the bloggy world well!!

The stars are aligning and not in the good way

2012-01-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ok so warning this is a total pity party post but I figured I should do it and get it out of my system. Also, a wee bit of TMI depending on your outlook. So as I have mentioned before things around our house are crazy and that really hasn't changed. Two weeks ago I found a lump....tried not to panic because from nursing two kids or a year each the girls shall we say are not as smooth and perfect as they used to be. So I went to the Dr and come to find out apparently is the birth control I am on that is sending my system out of whack so she suggested an IUD (which if it works correctly I may not have a certain visitor for the next five years. So I am lucky enough to schedule this for Monday which I have off. Well the Dr was delivery two sets of twins and was running two hours late, oh well what can you do. So I go in get this done and lets just say it was a wee bit more painful than the Dr indicated but no big deal....well at least I though so until I was scheduling my follow up appointment and started to pass out. So here I am in the waiting room slumped in a chair and had to be helped by the Dr back to the exam room to sit for the next hour. Apparently, this is normal just most women do it right after its put in not ten minutes later. So I finally get home and am resting because the light cramping that the "educational pamphlet" mentioned wasn't light it was more like hey I remember cramps like this...I was in labor. So I finally fall asleep and the phone rings and its my dad. He is calling with bad news. Apparently the heart murmur he has always had may be turning into something serious. Something with his Aorta. So although I am desperately trying to not freak out (I am the queen of unnecessary freak out) I am barely holding it together. So not only am I a hot crampy mess, not I am trying not to think about this thing with my dad. So I am home today with the kids because my dad has to have some tests done and am trying to get my mind centered and calm. I have tons and tons of school work that is backing up because things have been crazy at home and my senior grades are due by Friday for the semester. Oh yeah and I have to make up an final exam by Friday too. I am trying not to sit in the corner in cry, although I did have a cry fest with the hubby and told him I am just so pissed because all I want to do is eat cupcakes and ho-hos, and Cheetos till I feel better. Which I know won't make me feel better but I still want to. I am going to try and get to the gym today with the kids or perhaps tomorrow we shall see. OK I feel a bit better now that I had my pity party. Thanks for bearing with me!

Gracie's Gift-A Review

2012-01-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Ok-I am the world's luckiest mom-I get author's sending me great children's books to review. I was chosen to review a sweet girly book called Gracie's Gift by Andrea Trosclair. It is about a young girl who does not want to wear a bow in her hair. Then her mother explains why she loves for her daughter to wear a bow-because it is her way of thanking God for her special baby girl. Of course I get all misty reading this book but for two reasons. As a mom we all know how important it is for our children to know we love them and what better way then a daily reminder about love. Second, my baby J will not wear anything in her hair (well provided you aren't counting food because she always has food in her hair). This is a really sweet book and best of all a portion of all the books sold goes to the MS Association of America (a disease that the author suffers from herself). I really loved this book and so did both of my kids (even my son loved it and wanted to know why boys didn't get to wear bows). So please go check out the authors website at www.trosclairtales.com or stop by amazon to pick up a copy of Gracie's Gift

12 Goals for 2012-Status Update

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

12 Goals for 2012-The Status

As of January 4, 2012
***All updates are noted in Red

1. No Soda Except on my Birthday-4/4
2. Eat Dairy free-My stomach has been awful this week because I haven't been
3. Scrapbook Josie's first 12 Months 0/12
4. Finish Dylan's first 12 Months scrapbook (he is almost five and all) 9/12 (slight cheating since I was on 9 when I made this goal)
5. Exercise 3 times a week (166 Times this year) 0/166
6. Read 30 books 0/30
7. Make 12 projects with my grandma's group on Facebook (not that I am a grandma but we do grandma type projects) 0/12
8. Make an effort to connect with those people I care about. Call, Email, or write a good friend once a week (52 times this year) 0/52
9. Make 100 posts this year on my blog 2/100
10. Spend more time being present with my kids-Be in the moment with them put down the phone
11. Finish at least four more graduate courses to bring me closer to maxing out on the salary scale at my job 0/4
12. Be kind to myself-No negative nasty voice in the back of my head

Dang this New Years Business is hard!!

2012-01-04T16:33:00.001-05:00

So we all know making resolutions is fun-But shit its hard to keep up with it!!! I rejoined weight watchers and realized just how much I have been eating. Its amazing I only gained four pounds in the last two months-Yikes I could have done some serious damage. The eating well thing has been tough for no other reason then when you eat junk for a long time you miss it when you don't. No other reason than that! Also, now that I am back at work finding time for projects, the gym, and calling people is a tough tall order. Yet, I am up for it. Maybe not the Gym this week (I am the person who doesn't want to go to the gym because it is crowded with everyone swearing they will go to the gym! I am working away on finishing a scarf for my nephew for Christmas (we are celebrating this weekend) he lost the one I made last Christmas and was so sad so I am making one to match the Bruins hat I got him for Christmas. I bought yarn to start a new scarf for myself and hope to get to that starting this weekend. How is everyone else doing on their New Years Resolutions? I hope you are all hanging in there too!

Bistro MD-The Final Review

2012-01-01T20:33:00.000-05:00

So the final verdict-I would still say that I am exceptionally lucky for having been asked to sample all of the great food provided to me by Bistro MD. Overall I thought that the quality of the food was amazing and that for the most part the taste was wonderful. There were those few meals that I didn't care for but if I had been in charge of my own food selection I would have never chosen those meal selections. In my perfect world I would love to do Bistro MD for my lunches and breakfasts but still would enjoy cooking my own dinners. Not only because it was hard to figure out what to have my kids eat, but also I love to cook. I don't know if I could eat all three meals a day for seven days a week. I do have to say thought it did help me to realize what was a healthy portion (especially of grains and proteins). Overall I think that Bistro MD would be a great fit for someone who is single or more importantly someone who eats out a lot and doesn't cook. This would be a much better alternative to skipping meals or trying to figure what to eat out. Again I want to thank the wonderful people at Bistro MD for allowing me to try all of their tasty foods. Such a wonderful opportunity, thank you again.

12 Goals for 2012

2011-12-31T20:32:00.001-05:00

So I am not a huge resolution fan so I decided to make my self goals for 2012 and why not 12 being it is 2012 and all. Also as a teacher we are required to set smart goals for ourselves and students (this is a fancy way of saying you set a goal that can be measured) so most of my goals for 2012 are ones that can be measured and I figured I will keep a running tally of these on my home page to sort of keep myself in line. I decided for the first time in ages I am not going to do any weight loss goals (although I am restarting weight watchers along with my clean eating more on that later) So here are my 12 Goals for 2012

1. No more Soda-Except on my birthday if I Choose
2. Eat Dairy free-My stomach has been awful this week because I haven't been
3. Scrapbook Josie's first 12 Months
4. Finish Dylan's first 12 Months scrapbook (he is almost five and all)
5. Exercise 3 times a week (166 Times this year)
6. Read 30 books
7. Make 12 projects with my grandma's group on Facebook (not that I am a grandma but we do grandma type projects
8. Make an effort to connect with those people I care about. Call, Email, or write a good friend once a week (52 times this year)
9. Make 100 posts this year on my blog
10. Spend more time being present with my kids-Be in the moment with them put down the phone
11. Finish at least four more graduate courses to bring me closer to maxing out on the salary scale at my job
12. Be kind to myself-No negative nasty voice in the back of my head

So there you have it folk, my 12 in 2012. I hope you are all enjoying your new year! May this year bring you all that you are hoping for and then some!

Christmas Recap

2011-12-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

So I finally have a few seconds to post a recap about my Holiday. We have had a lot of sickness in the house plus add to that some emotional stuff going on with my husband and son it was very hard to get into the holiday spirit. But when the time came who can not help but get into spirit when you have to great kids who love gift and are so stinking cute. So for your holiday enjoyment. A photo of my son playing with a science kit in his jammies and my new favorite picture of my baby girl-She looks so grown up here. Also I have included a picture of my favorite gift-Ugg boots from my parents. I know I am spoiled and 17-All my student's wear them but shit they are comfortable and I might sleep in them if Papa Hunt wouldn't judge me for it! Hope you all had a great holiday and I am looking forward to the new year!

Mu new boots

Dylan with Papa Hunt-enjoying our science kit

My beautiful Girl

Had to add this one, the puppy standing guard around the tree

Day Four-Six-Bistro MD

2011-12-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

Sorry this post comes well after the last ones but I have had a sick baby and the holidays means one crazy Momma!

So the menus

Day Four-Stuffed French Toast, Turkey with Cranberry Quinoa, Salmon with Pepper Coulis

Day Five-Spinach and Ricotta Crepe, Roasted Turkey Breast with Fruit Chutney, and Beef with Broccoli

Day Six-Jungle Chicken Crepe, Turkey Chili, and Chicken stuffed with Brown and Wild Rices

Stuffed French Toast- Super yummy both Ryan and I liked these. I really loved the Berry compote to put on top, it sort of made up for the fact I had to scarp out the cream cheese filling. It even had a soy sausage that was excellent along with the sweet potato home fries. Yummy

Turkey with Fruit Quinoa-YUMMMMY-First I recently discovered quinoa and love it! This was great with hunks of cranberries. The turkey was tender and moist which is almost unheard of in frozen meals. I loved it. Papa Hunt was a big second on these meals as well! Also lets for a minute discuss the love of the butternut squash side-So good! So Good!!

Salmon with Pepper Coulis- The salmon was really good I just hate olives and there were olives in the side dish. To me it tainted the entire side dish. Now again this is just me and my crazy hang up on olives. I thought the Salmon was great. Perfectly cooked great mild flavor. Minus the olives it would have been a winner

Spinach Ricotta Crepe- So I did not eat this because of the cheese so only Papa Hunt, his verdict if he liked spinach it would be great-He of course did not like it because of the spinach. Oh well can't win them all!

Roasted Turkey Breast- Papa Hunt thought this was just ok, I on the other hand thought this was one of the best meals we had. The Turkey was tender and the fruit chutney was so good, it was like a mini thanksgiving.

Beef with Broccoli- We both really enjoyed this traditional Chinese food dish. We both have been consistently surprised with the quality of the meat that comes in these meals. I thought it was great that despite the fact that it was frozen it still was tender and had a great sauce.

Jungle Chicken Crepe-Only Papa hunt ate this one and he was not a big fan. Nothing per say wrong with the meal just not really his taste for breakfast. A bit too spicy for him and he prefers more of a sweet breakfast.

Turkey Chili-Papa Hunt did not eat this because he does not like spicy stuff. I was really looking forward to this meal, and was really disappointed. My reasoning, it didn't have much flavor. It had great chunks of meat in it, nice beans, and a thick sauce to it. For some reason it just lacked a lot of flavor. I still have one left in the freezer and I think I will add some salsa to it to kick it up a notch

Chicken stuffed with Brown and Wild Rices-This was a nice meal, but not one of the better ones. We thought it lacked some of the other meals rich flavors and needed a little something. I did love the Ratatouille that was served on the side. This hit the spot.

Stay tuned for my over all review tomorrow (if I am lucky) and I apologize for a lack of pictures at the end. Two kids at meals are crazy add the Santa factor and sickness I am lucky I got to eat sitting down!

Day Two and Three-Bistro MD

2011-12-20T08:08:00.000-05:00

Day Two
Breakfast with Santa, Lunch Cheese Ravioli for Pap Hunt and Moroccan Chicken for Me, Dinner was Grilled Chicken with Spinach Orzo

Day Three
Breakfast-Spinach, Pepper and Feta Omelet, Lunch Papa Hunt-Steak house wrap me-Blackened Tilapia, Dinner-Pulled Pork Caroline Style

Cheese Ravioli-Papa Hunt liked this and said it was tasty but he could have used a bit more, again I mentioned that this is what a portion of pasta really looks like

Moroccan Chicken-I thought this super spicy and sweet chicken was yummy. Yet, upon tasting it I clearly knew why Papa Hunt did not like this meal. He is not a huge savor and sweet fan and from the raisins you get a sweet tasty and it was middle eastern spicy which he is not a fan, but I liked it. The chicken was perfectly cooked

Grilled Chicken and Orzo-We both thought the chicken was good as well as the Orzo our only complaint was it was a lot of spinach and Papa Hunt really does not like spinach and for these past few days there has been spinach in everything!! Again the chicken was cooked really good and reheated well. To me the best part was the veggies, super good squash and eggplant my favorite combo

Spinach omelet with turkey hash-I loved this-Now I did have to scrap out the feta since I can't do dairy but the eggs were surprisingly tasty for microwaved eggs. Plus the shredded turkey with potato hash was a great edition to my omelet

Steak House Wrap-Papa Hunt loved it, only complaint was that it was too soft to pick up and eat and you needed a knife and fork

Blackened Tilapia-I hate to admit this because I really have liked the food, I threw it out! It was way to spicy for me and I usually love spicy. Plus I was bummed because I never get to eat fish because Ryan doesn't like it. So I am having my dad eat the Tilapia this week for lunch while he is watching the wee one since he likes super spicy.

Pulled Pork-WINNER WINNER CHICKEN (I mean pork) dinner. We loved it. We both had never had okra before and although it was a bit slimy it was super crunchy and squash like. Also the baked beans and pulled pork were and excellent combo! This was another favorite of ours. YEAH!!! Just bummed I forgot to take a picture of it

Well off to eat my breakfast, see you tomorrow with another update

Days one and Two of Bistro MD

2011-12-19T07:57:00.000-05:00

So as I posted before I was Lucky enough to be given sample meals from Bistro MD to try for a week. Since we didn't know when they were coming we already had a lot planed so we are working the plan into our lives. So far so good! We are really liking the meals the only complaint that I have (and its my own fault) I did not tell them that I was lactose intolerant so some of the tastier looking meals I have had to trade with my hubby because I can't Wait them with all the dairy in it. So below are the meals that we have eaten and some brief commentary and pictures.

Friday-
Erica-Berry Crepes, Lunch was out, Dinner-Beef Tips
Ryan-Berry Crepes, Moroccan Inspired Chicken, Beef Tips

Saturday
Erica and Ryan-Sweet Potato Pancakes, Chicken Sausage with Mustard, and dinner was out

Ok so here our thoughts and a few photos to help you visualize

Berry Crepes-They smelled amazing and tasted really good. We both were actually surprised how good the turkey sausage was alhtough Ryan who doesn't like spicy things felt that the sausage was a bit spicy for the am

Moroccan Inspired Chicken-Papa Hunt said it was good quality food and tasted ok but the flavor combos were not something that he would really choose to eat on his own. He prefers more traditional flavors. So he wanted me to point out this was not a flaw with the good it was more a personal flavor choice

Beef Tips- The beef tips were super yummy. Nice big chunks of tender beef, with wide egg noodles and an amazing blend of mushrooms. This was by far a stand out in the last few days for both me and Papa Hunt. Although Papa Hunt and mushrooms are an evil combo but it was tasty enough to deal with the aftermath

Sweet Potato Pancakes0I was in love. Breakfast doesn't get any better than yummy pancakes, syrup, and some sausage. I actually thought that sweet potatoes because of the cinnamon tasted a bit like pumpkin pancakes which I am in love with. Plus a tasty little sausage dipped in sugar free syrup so good! Papa Hunt wasn't as big of a fan but his complaint had to do with size-He didn't think that three small pancakes was not enough but I reminded him that this is part of the plan learning what portion sizes are!

Chicken Sausage with mustard sauce, braised cabbage, and mushroom barley-BEST MEAL EVER. This was so dang tasty. Be both loved it and our plates looked literally like they were licked clean. The sausage was flavored perfectly and the mustard sauce was not over powering. The cabbage with apples was out of this world and the barley was so yummy!!!! I want to eat this every day. Sadly even though this was my favorite meal-we don't have pictures of it because....well sausage looks a little ummm....like sausage so no pictures!

We have really been enjoying the food I will update Sunday's meals tomorrow! Have a great day everyone

The Bistro MD Experiment

2011-12-16T07:38:00.003-05:00

I am so excited to post about this....a few weeks ago I was contacted by Bistro MD about testing out their products and reviewing them here on my blog. We I got lucky and was chosen and was also lucky enough to get meals for my hubby-Papa Hunt to review as well. I keep using the work lucky because lets be honest not cooking or having to buy groceries the week before Christmas is nothing but friggin lucky. So for the next week you can be expecting pictures and details about my food. The program was recently featured on Dr. Phil-and anyone who knows me knows I am a Dr. Phil Junky! So we got our delivery yesterday in the mail and I was super surprised. Not only did the food look to be of good portion size, it looked really tasty. Most of the meals looked to be around 300 calories and a way bigger portion then the light frozen meal I just ate for dinner last night. It was half the size for 300 calories. Well I can't wait to go heat up my breakfast and take some photos of it! I will keep you all update on my journey! Yeah for new and exciting things!

Musher's Night Before Christmas-A Review

2011-12-14T10:05:00.004-05:00

Ok so I am sucker for any children's book and then add in the fact that this is about Alaska and I am in heaven! I have a thing for Alaska-I loved it when we visited plus you all know I am slightly obsessed with Deadliest Catch! Well I was offered to review Musher's Night Before Christmas and I was so excited-forget the kids. But you know what...my son fell in love with the book. He has been taking it to bed to read before he goes to sleep for the last two weeks since it arrived. This book is based on the classic Night Before Christmas but has an Alaskan flair. It features eight champion Alaskan sled dogs and their owner. I think I loved reading about the historical basis of the story even more than the story itself. The Author-Tricia Brown does an amazing job weaving in these traditional Alaskan elements to this age old story. Also, I loved the illustrations by Debra Dubac because they bring the story to life in a realistic cartoony way. Not only is the story great, the book itself is gorgeous to look at. This is a great book and would make an amazing holiday gift! Heck look at us reading it the day it came in the mail!

Quick update

2011-12-08T09:44:00.001-05:00

There is a plague upon my house.....no seriously. I am starting to think there might be some type of allergeren or something in my house that is causing this horrendous run of sickness! My kids are still gross, the hubs is still gross, and to top it off I got a stomach bug this past weekend. Awesome doesn't even begin to cover it!!! Yet, we are hanging in. This past Friday we went for our first therapy appointment to help us deal with D's sleep issues and that went much better than I thought and we are headed back this Friday without the wee one in order to work on some strategies for dealing his anxiety and sleep issues. It is nice to at least feel like we are making some postive moment. I will keep you all posted and hopefully things will settle in and I can start to blog a bit more. Also, don't forget I am a featured mommy blogger over on the #mefirst website so check me and the other momma's out over there! http://mefirstblog.com/2011/12/using-finding-nemo-as-my-inspiration/

Belated Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T19:53:00.001-05:00

Had a great turkey day and hope you did too! Things have been a bit rough around here Check out my post recent post and I will post more later. So below are the things I am most thankful for!

Dylan working it

Josie rocking out with her Maracas

The Turkey all Golden and Brown

Josie dealing her Sesame Street Cards

The 150 Best Slow Cooker Recipes-Review

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

Once again I was lucky enough to be asked to review a great book. The publishers at Robert Rose sent me a copy of The 150 Best Slow Cooker Recipes second editon to preview. I was so excited when I got it in the mail. Not only did it have amazing recipes it had tons of pictures. I am such a foodie, I am drawn to pictures. They even had an entire section on soups and chilis, which living in New England I love soups and chilis for lunch in the winter. The only thing I was concerned with is tha tsince I am eating healthy would any of these recipes fit my new guidelines, and the answer is yes. Lots of recipes were "clean" and others would be made clean but a few easy subsitutions. Some of the recipes that struck me as super yummy were the Chinese Style Braised Pork, Two Bean Turkey Chili, Delectable Apple-Cranberry Coconut Crisp (stay tuned for an update on this it will be making an appearance during the holiday season) and the recipe I chose to test Turkey Sloppy Joes. Since the hubby had mouth surgery and was limited to the types of soft squishy food he could eat, we went with this. It was a super easy recipe with basic ingredients. It smelt so good I am not going to lie that I had a wee sample before dinner that night. Below is the image of our dinner. If you are a busy mom like me this book is a must have. It also includes sections on what you can make ahead as well as how to half the recipes in case you need a smaller quantity. Check it out my friends.

No sleep for the weary

2011-11-22T08:28:00.000-05:00

So for the past week and half I have been sick. The kind of sick that sicks your ass. Despite my best effort I ended up having to stay home from work one day last week. In addition to that my wee one Dylan hasn't been sleeping. I wish I could say this is a phase, I wish I could say it has been week, but it has been three months. Yes you read that correctly, three months of not sleeping through the night. He wakes up several times during the night and says he has to go the bathroom (he goes three drops), he is scared, he needs to be tucked in. After numerous calls to his doctor for suggestions she has said that he is doing what is called checking and has been so helpful trying to give us suggestions that have worked for her or others. Sadly nothing works. No amount of reward or punishments will get my little guy to stay in bed all night long.

In my heart I have known for awhile that this is some sort of anxiety issue surrounding all the major changes in his lift. He has started a new school, my dad (who is his hero) takes him to school now but drops him off and then spends the day with his little sister, his daddy had surgery and was really sick for awhile. It is a lot for a wee one to deal with. Heck it was a lot for me to deal with and I am 30! So i have known for awhile that despite how much I want to know the answer of how to fix this for him and make him feel better and get him to sleep I don't. After much talking and discussion we have decided that we need to call in the reinforcements. I need to ask for some help from someone who is qualified to deal with these issues in children. For all the moms out there, you can just imagine how much I hate the thoughts of having to admit that I am failing as a parent. Now wait....I know that by asking for help with my children when I need it is doing what is best for my child and it isn't failing....but is sure as hell feels like it.

So yesterday with a sad heart I called my pediatrician and asked her to call me back with some names of specialists who could hopefully get us on the right track to helping our wee man. I know that I am doing what is best for my kid, but it is never easy to admit that you need help or that your baby isn't perfect.

Sick-Mom's don't get sick

2011-11-17T09:46:00.001-05:00

Yeah I wish-This momma is sick. The kind of sick that you would be hiding under covers except for the occasional cup of tea or chicken noodle soup. The kind of sick that as of my 645 appointment today will warrant two trips to the doctor. But sadly this Momma is at work...why you ask? I used all my sick time taking care of my hubby during his surgery, when my kids were sick, and last week when my dad was sick and couldn't care for the baby. So here I am a high school teacher with no voice, coughing up a lung, and running on two hours of sleep because I am so damn sick I can't sleep. Please excuse me while I have this pity party for myself and curl up into a call under my desk at work! OK deep breaths....I am moving on now!

On a much lighter and happier note my bio was published for the #mefirst blog that I was selected to write for. This is an amazing opportunity for me and I couldn't be more excited. Check out the link below to see my bio and the other wonderful moms who are participating in this journey with me.

We Survived

2011-11-08T10:03:00.001-05:00

As many of you have heard with my rantings on face book and twitter we lost power in that big October storm. We lost it for ten days!!! So crazy. I will post more about that later this week. But in the midst of the ten days with no power I get some exciting new news. I was selected to be a member of the #mefirst Project. This is an amazing opportunity that I just had to try and get my hands on. I was so bummed when I did not get voted to be the prior fat girl blogger over at Jen's site Priorfatgirl. But as she stated to all of us she believed in us and wanted us to continue on our weight loss journey. I have been, although I haven't lost a much weight since this summer I have been working on living a healthier lifestyle. Yet I often find myself getting lost along the way. Between work, the kids, the house I often find myself stressed to the max. This project is meant to work with women like me and help us figure out how to take time for ourselves and how that can aid us in our over all healthiness journey. I am so excited for this so stay tuned for more on my journey. Also why not stop by the #mefirst Project website

Being mad it hard for me-Odd I know

2011-10-26T07:52:00.000-04:00

So yesterday started out as a fairly good day. Although in our house we have been dealing with major sleep issues with our oldest who is four, things are good. We are getting ready for a Halloween party at our house and I actually had some time to get some cleaning done. After the kids were in bed I snuck out to snag some leggings to go under my costume and was feeling really good. Then the shit hit the fan. The hubs and I got into it good, mainly over how to handle the kid and his major sleeping issues. I got mad, really mad. Something I hardly ever do...something up until a few months ago I never allowed myself to do. I have always shied away from getting mad at people because in my mind if I got mad at someone they would stop liking/loving me. I know this is sort of crazy thinking but I am one of those good girls who always has to be liked. I have been working on this and I got mad. Like swearing and screaming mad. Although looking back I can say we both had a right to get mad and upset....it was really good to be mad. I am still a bit pissed but to quote Dr. Phil you have to decide if you want to be right or do you want to live a happy life. Meaning that if I want to hold a grudge and be mad about something that really wasn't that huge of a deal typical married life stuff (which by the way when I got married no one put this shit in the brochure) then it will create an unhappy household to live in and carry on anger about something that isn't honestly worth arguing anymore about. We are both at our wits end about the wee one and his lack of sleeping and we are starting to turn on each other. Which we know we can't do. So I have decided although it was good for me to get mad...it is time to move on. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Also for those of you who know me...I am sure you are getting a laugh at the thought of me getting pissed off enough to yell and swear about anything! God I love having a place to leave everything and move on. As my school's principal is fond of saying...onward and upward!

Z-Access Display Frames-So Cool

2011-10-24T13:28:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago I was contacted by Z-Access Display frames. They offered me a sample of one of their products to test out..and let me tell you I loved it. This is a super cool way to display unusual items that do not typically fit in frames. For example your kids art projects, baby toys, baseballs, awards, college keepsakes. The sample that I was sent was a beautiful frame with an inner frames that basically allows you to shrink wrap your keepsake. I chose to use one of the signed baseballs my uncle has given my son. Normally, these baseballs go in one of those boring clear squares-Blah. So i quickly unwrapped the frames, followed the super idiot proof instructions (which I loved by the way) and my baseball was so displayed in a cool rotating frames. I loved it...all I could do was think about how I can't wait to use a few more. For example, I would love to put a few of my son's art projects that are not flat in it. Also, he has several more signed baseballs (my Uncle and Hubby are huge baseball fans) and I love this frame so much more than than those generic cubes. Below are the photos I took of my frame. My favorite part about it, it spins so you can see whatever is in the frame from 360 degrees. So cool. If you are interested in this frame check out their websites, they have different sizes and types for all of your display needs. www.displayit3d.com Seriously go, check it out.

No Me time makes Momma A cranky Pants

2011-10-24T07:20:00.000-04:00

So as I have mentioned before the Hubs had surgery a few weeks ago and although we both did better than I thought with him being out of commission...it is startin to catch up with me. I am feeling really run down between being the one woman show. Not only do I have to do the stuff I normally do, up until three days ago Ryan was not driving so that meant I had to pick up Dy at school every day, run every errand, and in order to help Ry not go crazy take him to a few fun places when I got out of work. Add to this that Dy is still having some major sleep issues and since up until three days ago Ry was on pain meds this means I am the one who gets up every single time with him. I am tired. I also haven't been working out because there hasn't been time for that and Ryan could not be left with the kids. I finally snuck out this Saturday am to get my nails done...I desperately needed them filled. Finally, we are being evaluated at work...something that happens every ten years to high schools across the nation. This means that as I type this I am at work on a Sunday waiting to be interviewed for this reevaluation and will be here for three hours, plus two days this week after school we have hour and half meetings. It is crazy busy. Without being able to take any time for myself I feel like a cranky pants. So I have promised myself once I get through this week I am going to be dedicating some time to myself and to my health and get back to eating as clean as possible and working out several times a week. I can't wait to get back to having some me time!

What are your thoughts on me time? Do you take it? Do you take enough of it?

Chobani-My Love!-A Giveaway

2011-10-20T08:34:00.001-04:00

As many of you know I have a fairly severe dairy issue these days and I can honestly say more than anything I miss eating, I miss my pinapple Chobani..More than all the icecream in the world what I crave is that darn yogurt. Well recently I was contacted by Chobani about an event that they held in my area called Chobani Champions. It was just another reason for me to love Chobani.

Earlier this week Chobani Champions and its partner KaBOOM!presented the Hartford Women’s League Child Development Center with anImagination Playground in a Box! The gift of this playground is to encouragecreativity and play and is part of a larger engagement from Chobani Championsto help celebrate what it means to be a “Champion.” This fall, allover the country, Chobani Champions has set up a variety of activitiesincluding a mobile bus tour, a mobile application, augmented reality, social mediaand more.

Why might you ask are they doing this.....well Chobani believes there is more to being a Champion than simplycrossing the finish line- Champions are caring, creative, imaginative andactive and deserve to be celebrated!

While I was not able to attend the event due to my hubbies surgery, it looked like a great time, one I am sad I couldn't attend with the kiddies. Here are a few pictures from the event

Are you a Chobani Champions fan? One of mylucky readers can enter to win a free case of the Chobani Champions yogurt in either of their deliciousflavors --Honey-Nana or Verry Berry. To enter this giveaway please enter your name and an email address. If you are a follower of my blog you please indicate that you are and you will be entered twice into the drawing. The winner will be chosen on Nov 4th.

Check out www.chobanichampions.com for more information on events, yogurt and cool activities for your Champions!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Can online friends be real friends

2011-10-14T08:30:00.000-04:00

So I am hoping that this might start a wee bit of discussion but I have been pondering this for awhile now. Can we form real and meaningful friendships from social media outlets like twitter, facebook,and blogging? Now I will be the first to admit that if you had asked me this a few years ago I would have laughed and said not that friendships are the kind where you get together, hang out, spend time together and you can't do that through social media outlets. Well over the past few years my life has changed. I have had children, my close friends have had children, and some have moved away. That has left my circle of people who I get together with and spend time with is now very small (not including the people that I work with). After having my daughter a year and half ago I focused more attention on my blog and the blogging community and over the last six months I have really gotten into twitter. I have met a lot of great people. Perhaps not people that I would refer to as true friends, but dear acquaintances. I have met some who are helping bring me support in my journey to healthiness. People in my real life are either doing their own thing, are too judgemental, or are not interested in living a healthy life style. I needed to seek out support elsewhere and found that online. I also met an amazing group of women who we share a common interest, OK lets be honest obsession, with deadliest catch. From that I have begun to get to know these women and their real lives. It makes me feel like part of a community. This if course is all wonderful....the question I pose is this...is this healthy

I think for me it is. I am a super social person. This is why I love my job I get to work with an amazing group of people and I get to interact with over 100 teenagers every day. Yet now that I am older and have my family responsibilities and so do all my friends, those close friendship although they are still there are just not as readily available as they were when I was 25. So I feel that for me the social media outlet gives me a sense of community and interaction with others. I think it keeps me from feeling isolate. Yet, there is always that piece of me that questions whether these are real friendships....the kind where you truly care about the other person and their life. If i am being honest this is what I don't know the answer too.

Yet, I will say this, one of my favorite activities is in the am before the frenzy of my day starts at work I take a few minutes to check my twitter feed and read a few blog posts. Then at night I check the daily twitter feed and read a few more blog before bed. I feel it is sort of the same as me sending my best friend a text while eating breakfast and again at night while snuggling on the couch with my dog. So what are your thoughts, can our online "Friends" be real Friends?

The Social Network Diet-Book Review and Giveaway

2011-10-08T10:55:00.005-04:00

The Social Network Diet the: Change Yourself, Change the World by Miriam Nelson and Jennifer Ackerman

I was lucky enough to be sent a review copy of this book. I will say that I was hesitant at first to read it because I have been so happy with my clean eating life style. Yet, I love reading so how turns down a free book! So as I started reading this book really hit home with me. It was a book about how the people we spend our times with (our social network) can affect our lifestyle. The book is laid out wonderfully by introducing the reader to the topic of social networks, identifying your social networks, figuring out the positive and negatives of your social network, and making changes to that network. Plus what I really loved about the book is they gave great examples in the book of not only people who worked at changing their social networks, but also suggestions for how to change your own even if you can't do something such as move to a new area or get all new friends.

Now as many of you know I don't have the greatest social network which is why I am greatly drawn to the online forums and communities that I have joined. This book has helped with some great suggestions about how to change my "real life" social network and I am I excited to use this book as a tool on my healthiness journey.

GIveaway Information: If you are interested in winning a copy of this book please leave your name and email in a comment below. Also, if you are a follower please let me know and you will be entered twice into the giveaway

Some things are gone others are gained

2011-10-06T15:18:00.002-04:00

I know I have been a bit off the grid lately at least blogging wise (I am an official tweet-aholic and need a program). My husband this past Tuesday had surgery to help with this sleep apnea and snoring. For the past few months this momma has been one tired girl. Between sleep issues from my little guy and the snoring from the hubby I was more tired than when I had a new born at home and was getting up to nurse every three hours! Well after several sleep studies and doctor's visits my husband decided for a radical surgery to have his tonsils, adenoids, uvula, and part of his soft palette removed. For anyone who has had their tonsils out as an adult can tell you this is exceptionally painful experience...but to have all that out is bit time shit to say the least. So this past Tuesday we got up early (4am) and headed to the hospital. I did the good wife thing and stayed with him for most of the day in recovery and then came home to take care of the kids. Although it was hard to leave him, my kids needed me too. I went and picked him up yesterday and he has been home ever since. I have to say he is doing much better than expected...to be honest he isn't the best with his pain tolerance so I thought this was going to be a disaster to say the least. Well things have been going oddly well.....and then it dawned on me while getting my nails done. Yes, I am totally that person who drugged up her hubby and snuck out to get a mani/pedi while he slept it off. No judging!!! It dawned on me that for the first time in a long time we are ok...I mean both of us were really ok.

As many of you know three years ago Ryan suffered a horrible bout of depression and has been working hard at coming back from that. In fact this week he stopped taking his anti depressant and will be stopping his therapy sessions at the end of the month. I have finally begun after much time with my own therapist have started to get over what was one of the worst periods of my life. Having a one year old child and a severely depressed husband leaves some scars. Scars that make you doubt yourself and your ability to be a good wife, mother, and person. I have been spending my last few sessions not working on getting over this horrible time in our lives but working on me. I have been working on me because I am finally getting over the hurt and anger that has been associated with this time in my life. I have been working on how to accept myself how I am as I am right at this minute. Which for many women is a hard thing to do. To trust ourselves and love ourselves is not easy to do but I am starting to realize the valdity of doing so. So when getting my nails done and holding hands with a stranger for an hour I realized that I am ok. That what normally would have been a monumental task of taking a huge chunk of time off from work, planning to be out, doing the hospital thing, and the single mom thing while he recovers would have sent me over the edge. In fact a year ago when Ryan had hernia surgery I was over the edge. Yet, this time I have a sense of peace about me. That I am capable of doing whatever it takes and that it will be ok I just need to trust in myself and surround myself with people who can help me deal with the situation (thank you to my real life friends and the twitter gang for the mental release). I have gained the ability to know how to ask for help and allow others to get to know the real me.

So although my poor (very busted and sore hubby) has lost a few important body parts, I have gained the knowledge that I am strong enough to handle this or anything else that might come my way....

Friday Confessional-9/23 edition

2011-09-23T14:43:00.005-04:00

Ok So I have never done this before so lets give it a go-

I am Confessing

-I confess I have a crush on a reality star

-I confess he stars in my fantasies but as time goes on I realize that this fantasy is bad for me

-I confess that this fantasy isn't bad because of who my crush is, or that I am a married mom with two kids with a fantasy boyfriend. It is bad becuse of who I am in my fantasies

-I confess in my fantasies I am the person I wished I was-Always confident skinny sexy bitch.

-I confess that even more exciting than the man in my fantasies, it is how i look and how I feel as that other me

-I confess that it is unhealthy to have a fantasy where I am someone other than who I am because what I really need to do instead of daydreaming about my Deadliest Catch hottie is to start accepting myself for who I am at this moment

-I confess that this is hard thing to do!

American Idol Dreams-Book Review

2011-09-20T12:49:00.001-04:00

Let me start this post with a disclaimer that this book is written by my Sister in Law so of course I am biased. My sister in law started this book several years ago about her celebrity obsessions and what they meant to her and what they mean to people in general. Of course I loved this book, but not for the reasons you might think (she is my sister in law). I loved this book because it hits close to home. I of course loved reading about Donna's adventures in her celebrity obsession with Clay Aiken then Jason Castro from the hit show American Idol. What I was really drawn to was her ability and willingness to actually look at why she (and us as fans) become obsessed with people. Now I do have a celebrity crush who for the time being will remain nameless, but I found myself reading this book thinking about my own reality TV star crush. As Donna explores both the good and bad of being a fan, I connected deeply to her reflection that the reason we are attracted to celebrities is because there is a void in our own lives. For her that void had to do with being in a long term relationship and the tough life of a stay at home mom (which we all know can be rough) for me it is the temptation of a fantasy life in which I am 75 pound thinner, way hotter, and get to spend time with crush. The book is a quick read with lots of inspirational quotes that tells two great stories. One story of Donna's life as a fan and mom and a second one of the not so sunny side of celebrity crushes or obsessions. Later this month I hope to do an author interview and giveaway for a copy of the book, so stay tuned. I of course give this book five stars, but then again I am of course biased! Love you Donna!

Sometimes the Proof is in the tape measure

2011-09-14T06:30:00.000-04:00

So I have been really trying to work with this eating clean program for a little over five weeks. Most of the time I am sticking to the plan. No white anything, protein and carbs with each meal, amd no dairy (that is not eating clean that is just my new lactose intolerance). I lost a few pounds quickly and have been maintaining around a five pound loss for the five weeks, which is not bad. I am really ahppy with the program and have been recording my food. I just felt it should be more. No if ai am being honest the gym and working out has been non exsisten with the return to school and hurricane. I am just happy the start of the school year wasn't anymore stressful than it already was.

Yet, of course that 4.6 pounds wasn't enough for me, I wasn't happy. I felt like I looked better than four pounds. So I busted out the good ole tape measure. Guess what, this eating clean thing is working. I have lost over an inch on my waist and an inch on my thighs and hips and chest (one inch on each not just all together) that is a big deal in just five weeks. So I am going to have faith. Faith that what I am doing is going to work to get me to loose weight, faith that this is how I should be eating forever, and faith that I can do this! If i doubt, the proof is there.

Back in Business

2011-09-12T08:25:00.000-04:00

Well two weeks has passed and I am finally starting to feel back in the swing of things. Although I desperately love my job, it is always hard to transition back from being home with the family to getting back to work. Add to this the hurricane and no power for several days made a hairy start to the school year. My son started preschool with great success. Not a single tear shed (well by him, mom was a wee bit emotional). Now to be honest with all this going on normally this would be an excuse to

Thumbs up for starting school

Riding with J to school

eat junk and gain five pounds. Well although I have been maintaining after a quick five pound loss while eating clean I am pleased with that. Something had to give with this new back to school business and sadly it was working out. I am pleased to say that I am back on track and started scheduling my workouts again. Plus I cooked a ton on Sunday to prepare for this new week of eating healthy and clean. Although I have been off the grid on my blog, I have been faithfully reading blogs and keeping up with twitter. So glad to be back in bloggy business again.

See ya Dad and Grandpa

On Hiatus

2011-08-19T20:55:00.000-04:00

I don't want anyone to think I have gone off on a bender and am eating myself silly...no its something equally as devastating..................The end of summer!!!! In a week from Monday I will be back working full time and I am already stressed about getting my classroom set up, my lessons revised, and my graduate class done. Not to mention my wee little man is going to school for the first time! So although my new eating clean plan has gone amazing -3 pounds, I am tracking my food, and I am doing the weight challenge from prior fat girl....I just needed to take some time to get my life in order before going back to work. I will start posting again regularly in about two weeks as well as faithfully reading blogs from my reading. Right now all I can manage are those who post links on twitter. Thanks for hanging in there with me and see you all in a few weeks!

Trying something new

2011-08-09T15:09:00.000-04:00

I have been bouncing around between 35-40 pounds lost for the last few months and have really been thinking about why I am not loosing weight. In the spirit of honestly, half assing it would be the reason. I have been doing weight watchers for so long that I get lazy with my points. In this I mean there are days where I don't record my food, where I eat within my points but don't make good food choices, or in general just don't follow the plan. I think the only reason I haven't gained weight the last two or three month has been that in the last month I have had to stop eating diary (which rules out a lot of food I would love to eat) and that I have to walk the dog for 25min every day. So I took the advice of some of my work friends and picked up a book called "Eating Clean Recharged" by Tosca Reno. Now let me be clear this is not me looking for a quick fix (I know they don't exist) but looking for something more to suit my life. Although I will still record my food (I took the suggestion of Jen over at Prior fat girl) about a great journal. I think that right now the whole finding time to record my points, even if I get an iphone, is just not something with two young kids I can do. Also, with this Eating Clean program you are eliminating white flour, white sugar, and white rice..basically its anti-white! Then you eat well rounded meals and three snacks a day all which contain protein and complex carbs. I have noticed that in the past few months I have been needing a cup of coffee in the afternoon, according to some of the info presented in the book that is most likely due to not eating well. The reason I am drawn to this plan is that is very easy to do all the time, you follow the plan and eat well and enjoy yourself on special occasions. This to me is how I should be eating....good healthy food, working out, and enjoying life. Not figuring out how I can manipulate my points. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some WW! That is how I lost 70 pounds pre wedding and how I have lost 35 pounds plus about another 15 of post baby weight. I just think that it is time for a change. For me and my family, especially the hubby who has been experiencing some major health issues (that is for another post). So for me to accept that what I am doing isn't working is a huge step usually I hate to admit I am failing but what I am doing isn't working so I am moving on. I will update everyone on how it works out on Monday with my new weekly weigh in day. Wish me luck!

Book Review-Naughty Neighbor by Janet Evanovich

2011-07-27T07:20:00.000-04:00

I have to say there isn't much by Janet Evanovich that I don't like and this was no exception. I have to say as much as I love her, I have found that her number series was getting a bit old and some of her other books were not 5/5 they were more 4/5 which is still good in my book. Well this book was probably one of the better books I have read by her in a few years. It is an older book by her when we was writing romance novels pre-the number series. This book was great. A little bit of mystery, a little bit of romance, and I lot of funny moments. This was a really fun read and a must for anyone who enjoys Janet Evanovich. I am giving this book 5/5

What a difference 35 pounds make

2011-07-25T14:00:00.001-04:00

So I am still a bit bummed that I am not farther along in my journey but then again I need to keep in mind that it isn't how long it takes me to get there just that I get there. Well last weekend we had friends over (former roommates of my hubby from college) and this is now an annual event. So last year we took a photo and we did this year too. When I compared these two photos I realized just how much of a difference those 35 pounds make. It puts it into focus that I am doing OK, that I am making strides, and that as long as I keep plugging away I will get there. So here are the comparison photos of last summer and this summer (it is probably more like 30 pounds but still) what gets me the most is I thought I looked good in that green shirt (what the hell was I thinking).

Last summer-Me on the end

This summer me in the back holding Miss J

Book Review-After The Before and After by Karen Anderson

2011-07-23T10:45:00.000-04:00

About two months ago I was reading one of my weight loss blog sites and someone mentioned that another blogger had written a book and was talking it up at fitblog. So I checked it out and it looked like it would be worth a read. Now I will say that this book spoke to me in many ways. It was a great discussion on how for the author loosing weight needed to be not about the number on the scale but more with a more positive relationship with herself. Loving herself as she was. It also discussed the heartbreak of loosing weight and then gaining some of it back. This is something I have been struggling with over the last few years. I lost a bunch of weight then gained it back, partially due to poor habits and partially due to those two amazingly cute kids a had. So this book was an eye opener for me. It made me realize that along with working on my eating issues with a professional maybe I can spend some time on my own looking at some of the various resources that Anderson presented in her book. Now I know that every one's weight loss journey is different and there were some things that she discussed in the book that I would not really be into there were other books and websites that I plan to spend part of my summer reading about. I also liked that this book read like I was reading a bunch of blog posts, which we all know that I love!! I think that this is a great read for anyone who is struggling in their weight loss battle but more importantly this is a must read for anyone who is struggling with self acceptance!

Weekly Update-July 23

2011-07-23T09:47:00.000-04:00

Ok so I am going to piss and moan here for a bit. I have tracked my food all week and exercised almost every day and the scale this week.....NOTHING. I big ole-nothing. I know that it is more than the scale. Lets be honest though we all know that when that scale goes down we feel like we are really heading in the right direction. I have been stuck at his weight for over two months now. I know this the weight that I usually get stuck at (I did two previous times) so I know I just have to keep going. I think of Finding Nemo when they sing "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming" I know it will happen. I know that the 100 plus degree heat with humidity isn't helping things. I know I can't quit and I wont. I just really wanted to loose some serious weight this summer. I am thinking that maybe rather than have a time frame for my goals I just need to have goals and that is it. I will save those thoughts for another post! I did finish another book this week about another bloggers weight loss journey and I will post a review about that first thing next week. Have a nice weekend everyone!

Book Progress 2/10
Weight Progress .6/20 ;-(

The Queen's Captive-Book Review

2011-07-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

I am really going to give this book 3 1/2 stars. I didn't love it but it still sucked me in anyways. I am in a complete tudor England phase and this was a nice break of pace from my other current novels. This novel focused more on post Henry VIII rule and on Queen Mary's rule and Princess Elizabeth's rise to the thrown. My only issue with the book is there were tons and tons of people. So many that you sometimes got lost in what you were reading. I do think that I might go back and read one of her early books since I really did like the characters that were created in the book. Not a must read, but still for those Tudor England/Elizabethean England fans a good read.

Friend Making Monday

2011-07-18T20:17:00.000-04:00

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Ten Random Questions

1) What do you like most about yourself? My laugh and smile

2) List three characteristics that you like to have in your friends. Generosity, humor, and the ability to understand that as a working mom of two, sometimes the only time I can talk is via text

3) How often do you brush your teeth? I brush like a maniac..Twice a day

4) If you could travel anywhere today, where would you go? Probably to London again to share it with my hubby

5) Have you ever met anyone from the blog world in person? No but I really want to go to a prior fat girl conference but the funds are low in this house

6) What is the last show you watched on TV? Breaking bad...LOVE it

7) What kind of perfume/cologne do you wear? None

How long ago did you complete your last workout? This am with walking the dog for 25min

9) What will you eat for dinner tonight? I had a hamburger, some tortilla chips, and a diet soda which I never drink

10) Share something fun that you did over the weekend. We had a reunion party for my hubby's college friends and it was an amazing time getting together with old friends!

Now it’s your turn!

Weekly update

2011-07-17T11:01:00.000-04:00

So I am getting on board with a fun group called prior fat pack from prior fat girl. One of the prior fat pack Kris suggested that we all put on our big girl panties (or big boy boxers) and just start doing what we need to be doing. So I figured I would get on this. I have tracked almost every day this week and walked the dog and hit the gym most nights or did a second trip with the dog. Although the results were not what I would have wanted such as a five pound loss, I posted a half pound loss this week and read half a book so here are my stats up to date.

Weight Loss .6/20
Books Read 1.5/10

I have officially Fallen in Love

2011-07-13T07:23:00.002-04:00

Its happened....I never thought it would again. I have fallen in love. Head over heels in love. The kind of love that makes you not care when that loved one does something wrong, pisses you off, because you are so smitten with them you can easily forget any wrong they have committed. So meet the new love of my life....it official I am head over heels for this one

Look at those ears, you would be smitten too!

Awhile back I posted about my two former dogs. I really truly believed I would never love another dog as much as I loved my little Wiener Dog Rocky. He was the love of my life, perfect for me in every way. Yet, after a year or so I realized the greatest compliment I can give my former dogs is to love another one. I still talk about all the things I loved about my old dogs, but our newest one is so different and I love her for that. Olivia is now 8 months old, weights a bit over 10 pounds and is a ball full of energy until she crashes and needs to be snuggled. She loves to play catch, something my other dogs never really got. She loves to go for walks. Most days she gets me outside and walking twice a day for 20-25 minutes at a clip and I love it. It makes me feel a bit less guilty when I don't hit the gym. She is a Diva in every sense of the word. She wears a rhinestone collar and struts when she walks. She loves to sit in my lap and snuggle-Sometimes its a pain should I be trying to do important stuff like knitting or playing words with friends. She is also an attention whore (which I totally am so she and I get each other). She isn't always perfect, she can destroy a chew toy in less than 20 minutes, she has a proclivity for my unmentionables that some how get out of the laundry basket and into her bed, and she will eat anything out of the crash (and I mean anything). Yet I am in love.

She brings something to my life that was missing. It is weird to say it. Those of you who don't have pets might not understand. She some how completes my life. I have a great hubby, amazing kids, a job I love, yet she was some how the thing that I was missing. So now its out in the open I am completely utterly, head over heels in love with my dog!

Here is a few more photos because she is so that cute!

I like this photo because it shows off how small she is

Investigating Mom's Camera

Wished I had realized it then...

2011-07-11T07:23:00.000-04:00

So as I have discussed before I have been spending a lot of time working on figuring out who I really am. After so much needed time with a qualified professional (Aka Doc C) I have come to the conclusion that for a large portion of my life I have pretended to be something that I am not. I was always pretending because I so disliked myself that I pretended to be perfect, always happy so that I would be sure people would like me...well over the past few months I have realized that it is better to be myself flaws and all then be something that I am not.

So that brings us up to a few weekends ago when my college best friend Dave married the most amazing and wonderful woman Tammy. While at the wedding I got to spend the weekend with some of my old college friends who were all Dave's groomsmen. I was lucky enough to be asked to do a reading at their wedding. Although I was nervous to go up and see everyone (some of these guys I hadn't seen in over 8 years) after ten minutes I realized it was just like it had always been. These were amazing men (now with their amazing wives, one of whom was a college roommate of mine). These were the guys who always made me laugh, were always there more me, and were friends of a lifetime. Especially Dave, who to this day is hands down the sweetest, kindest man I have ever met (don't tell my hubby that he isn't number one on the list, he runs a close second). As I went to say goodbye to everyone after a weekend of fun I get very emotional and began to what I lovingly refer to as "Pussy Cry" (aka cry so hard your nose starts to pour snot). Not only because I would miss Dave and the rest of the guys but because it hit me in that moment...they would have liked the real me. The completely imperfect me, the crazy one that says stupid stuff, that sometimes eats her troubles away, who sometimes hates herself...they would have still been my friends, they still would have loved me just the way I was. I didn't have to hide, I didn't have to pretend....they were those amazing people who would have loved me for me. It breaks my heart in a way that I didn't realize it then, that I didn't trust them or myself enough back then to be myself around them. Especially Dave, who whether he knows it or not helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. So to those guys, their wives, and especially Dave and is wonderful new wife Tammy...thank you so much for a great weekend and allowing me to be myself...I just wished I had given you the chance sooner

Oh and here are some pictures from the wedding. First one is of me and Dave and the second one is Dave and Tammy (aka the kind of girl I always hoped my college BFF would meet and marry)

Congrats Dave and Tammy hope you have a lifetime of happiness.

Weekly Update

2011-07-09T11:45:00.002-04:00

Well this week I got a ton of exercise in walking my puppy and I managed to get to the gym once this week. Which isn't bad considering we had swim lessons every day this week. So not only did I get to the pool four times for Mommy and Me lessons (which anyone who has hauled a baby, mine is 25 pounds, around in a pool that is a work out for sure) I walked the dog for at least 30min everyday. Which leads me to be pissed that even though I tracked my points this week I lost .1-Seriously what the hell is that! But I just figure it will catch up with me eventually. I did manage to finish a book-The Queen's Captive by Barbara Kyle and I will be posting a review by the end of the week. So here are my stats for my summer goal

Book Goal 1/10
Weight Goal .1/20 (not nearly as impressive at the first one!)

Happy Independence Day to Me

2011-07-05T08:44:00.002-04:00

As I was enjoying this weekend with my family I realized that much like the founders of our nation, I am declaring my independence as. A bit cheesy I know but I am a history teacher so if I am going to be cheesy about anything let it be history analogies right! I am declaring my independence from being someone I am not....to being free....to being me. Now if only I knew who the hell that is!

To go along with my most recent post I have also decided to work on figuring out who I am this summer. I have realized that I have spent much of my life pretending to be something that I am not. Any of my readers who read my entry for future prior fat girl nomination I mentioned this in my nomination. I have spent way to much of my life pretending to be things I am not....be it confident, or happy, or always trying to please others and pretending to like things I don't or be a team player when my heart says stand up and speak out. I have decided (much like the US did in 1776) that I have had enough. That I need to be free of being some (please excuse my potty mouth) a fake ass bitch. I know that the people who love me and matter to me will love me no matter what. They will be willing to work through this process of self discovery with me. I also think my immediate family will be better off with me knowing who I am.

Now I am not going to pretend that this is some easy thing to do. I have spent most of my adult, and teenage years too, faking it. So my goal for this summer is to begin to figure out who the real me is. Flaws and all. To realize that I don't have to hide behind humor, of a always present smile, or worst of all food. I know that I can express my emotions. Say what I believe. Enjoy that freedom that is what is my god given right and privilege as an American. Yet, I know that just like in American History there will be mistakes (Hello Civil War and Vietnam) but perhaps that is what makes American and me perfect....we are both perfectly, imperfect

My summer of reinvention-Again

2011-07-01T18:29:00.000-04:00

As a dear friend and coworker G and I were discussing the other day....we all have visions of a grand summer when you are a teacher. For me and G our summer goals are always the same....to reinvent ourselves over our 8 weeks off. What this really means is that we want to come back to work in the fall as skinny bitches!! Every summer I have a vision of how damn skinny I will be when I come back to work...well this year yet again I have a vision. I know that sometimes I get disappointed when I don't reach goals, but in my mind why not have a big goal...something to keep me motivated as those summer parties and goodies are ever present. So here it is folks my summer goal...Ten Books and 20 Pounds. I know this a lot of weight for 8 weeks but what the hell...aim big. Also ten books is a lot too...but even if I get close I will be happy. My plan this summer is to walk the dog (which is usually a minimum for 25 minutes) 5 days a week, then three days a week hit the gym, and try and do a light abs and arm workout 5 times a week (I have been noticing that as I am loosing weight I am not as toned as I would like to be). Also, I just found out that the reason I have been so sick lately is most likely a dairy allergy and I am going to have to go back to no or very little dairy, so that should help keep my eating in check. So there it is folks....my summer goal. My summer of reinvention here I come......what are your summer goals/plans?

Friend Making Monday

2011-06-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

So I have seen this on many other blogs, so I figured now that it is summer and I am hoping to blog more, why not try something new! So here goes

If you've taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you're new, please take a moment to answer this week's question on your own blog then add a link at the bottom of this post so we can all see your post. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Be sure to head back to Kenz's blog - All The Weigh and check out the rest!

List a few common items that can always be found in your fridge. Baby carrots, two kinds of milk, fat free half and half, and Chobani yogurt
What kind of milk do you drink? I may be lactose intolerant (working on figuring that out) so no milk for me these days
Do you prefer fresh or frozen vegetables?Fresh-Although we eat tons of steam fresh frozen
What do you currently have to drink in the fridge? Milk and Cherry Juice
How often do you clean out your refrigerator?Ugh, I can't remember the last time
What’s the healthiest thing in it right now? Tons of fresh produce since I just went shopping
What’s the most unhealthy thing in it right now? Probably the whole milk the baby drinks
What do you wish you had in it that you don’t have now? Chocolate
How often do you shop for groceries? One big shopping a week then one restock of fruit and milk mid week
What’s the weirdest thing in your fridge right now? Teething rings for the baby-Who hasn't used them in months

Now it’s your turn! Don’t forget to answer the questions and come back to post a link in the comments section! Happy Monday!

Secrets of the Tudor Court-Book Review

2011-06-21T13:19:00.001-04:00

I have recently finished reading Secrets of the Tudor Court by D.L. Bogdan and I have to say that it fits my Tubor England mood well. I have been really into this time period lately and I am fascinated by how the English lived and dealt with King Henry. I also love reading about what life was like for women and the roles that they played. The parts of this book that I found extremely interesting was the in depth look into the life long feud between the Howards and the Seymours. It was a great story and did a nice job telling the tale of the numerous wives of Henry VIII as well as Duke of Norfolk. Although not the greatest book I have ever read on Tudor England still a great read and well worth the time if you are into this Era as I am. I would rate the book Four out of Five stars.

Thought I was doing ok...Maybe not

2011-06-20T13:45:00.000-04:00

So as some of you know since I have mentioned here and in post to be the next prior fat girl, I have been attending therapy to work on my "stuff". My stuff being that I have a lot of issues surrounding eating and dealing with my emotions in a healthy and positive manner. I really had been feeling good and feeling like I had been getting somewhere at least in the eating department. Then the stress and anxiety surrounding some recent issues boiled over. My hubby brought it to my attention last night.

I have been very overwhelmed with the end of the school year. I have more kids failing than ever and since I teach high school seniors that means that some of them will be denied graduation for the grade they earned in my class. Although I know this is their fault, it still pains me to have this happen. Additionally there have been a lot of changes at my work and they have been stressful. My son Dy is going to a new school next year and getting ready for that transition has me stressed (will he like it, will he have friends, did we make the right choice, how will we get him to the school), How will out summer go? Will it be a constant battle with my and my four year old? Will I be able to handle the stress of being a stay at home mom? Add to that a dear friend of mine is getting married this weekend and we have leave the kids for the entire weekend. This is scary in its own right but also most of the people at the wedding I haven't seenten years and this may or may not include a former best friend who I had a falling out with (we have since both apologized but are not friends by any means) so I am stressed about that. Finally, I have been having horrible stomach issues. I thought it might be lactose intolerance or a dairy allergy but my Dr. is concerned that it might be my gallbladder. This has me worried but more than that getting sick almost every day is not only embarrassing and inconvient it has been wearing me out. Mentally and physically.

When my hubby brought this up I instantly wnated to hit him because he has been doing so well in therapy it makes me a wee bit jealous ( really really jealous actually). I get pissed because after all this he is finally better and me (the one who held it together during his depression) is still struggling. I know sometimes he feels like I am not doing enough in therapy or that I am not being honest with the therapist, but that is not the case. The fact that I am not hiding in a corner stuffing my face with food over all of the above issues is an accomplishment within itself. Yet, if I am being brutally honest with myself I am no where close to where I need to be.

Lastely, the overwhelming nature of all of these things has me feeling frozen-stuck in this what do I do with all these emotions. If the time of year was differnet I would get my butt to the gym, call a friend and chat, blog...but this time of the year I can't even get in going to the bathroom most days ( except when my stomach is acting up then the bathroom and I are BFF's) let alone my usual coping skills. I know that this is what I need to work on....and I will because I am a fighter and I need to do it for my and family.... but sometimes I want to shy away from dealing with this and admitting that I am not as successful as I really thought sucks balls.

So yes I am doing ok in that I am not sitting here at my desk with hands covered in chocolate from binge eating at my desk (my former choice for dealing iwth anxiety) so instead I will continue to plug along and figure out how to deal with the stress that is my current state of being. I will keep everyone posted on my progress!

Thanks for allowing me to vent

Hang on by a thread

2011-06-14T11:58:00.000-04:00

So lately it has been crazy at work. The end of the semester is upon me and it means crazy grading and getting ready for exams. Although I haven't been binging I haven't been really keeping that good track of what I have been eating. Although I get about 20-40 minutes of exercise most days of the week walking the dog, I haven't been going to the gym. I am hanging on by a thread. I have managed to loose about four pounds in the last two weeks (the four I gained the previous month) but I am still stuck at 35 pounds. I had really hoped to be at 50 for my graduation goal. I will be close which is ok. I am looking ahead to summer as an opportunity to focus on my fitness. I think I want to aim for 4-5 days a week at the gym and getting in some weight training. I know that will help with the weight loss but my overall health too. I feel that a lot of this school year has been me hanging on by a thread as I get used to life as a working mom of two plus adding not binge eating which means I have to experience all this stress and emotion which I am not good at. So basically I am hanging on by a thread and plan on hanging on for the next two weeks and then refocusing my self once I have more than five seconds of time! How is everyone else out there in the blog world doing?

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand-Book Review

2011-06-09T08:21:00.000-04:00

I can't even begin to say how much I loved this book. It was so good that I offered all my classes a huge amount of extra credit to read it an discuss it with me. I even suggested that we give it as a prize for a student who was winning an award in our department. This is the amazing story of Louie Zamperini who was an Olympic runner turned war hero. This book follows Louie from his early days in his quest to get to the Olympic through his military training and his role in WWII. This book reads as though it is fiction because of the extraordinary circumstances that Louie lived through. For example his plan is shot down over the Pacific and he survives for months on a raft with no food or water then is captured by the Japanese and is kept a prisoner of war. For me it gave m ea look at WWII that I have never really read about which was what happened to those who were captured by the Japanese. This book was also intriguing to me because of the various psychological aspects. To see how a man can survive so much and come out the other side still a whole person. I don't want to give away to many details from the book because that is the beauty of it, realizing that this book and the things in it are not fake but something a real person lived through. This is truly the most amazing book I have read in ages. I think that this book is on par with my love of the book 1984 by Orwell. It is really in my mind one of the greatest books of our time and a must read.

Revised Goals-As of June 1, 2011

2011-06-03T08:07:00.000-04:00

Well I always have super ambitious goals and maybe it is time I realize that I am a 31 year old mother of two and perhaps weight loss isn't going to happen as quickly as it did when I was 22! So here are my new revised weight and healthyness goals

Weight Goals
By July 1-50 Pounds
By Oct 1-70 Pounds
By 32nd Bday-90 Pounds

Health Goals-
By First Day of School-15 Push UPS
By Thanksgiving-Couch to 5k Completion
By Jan-25 push ups

Rewards
50 Pounds-iphone
70 Pounds-Designer Shoes
90 Pounds-Coach Handbag

Crazy time of year

2011-06-03T08:02:00.000-04:00

I am still here and hope to post pictures soon of some of the big events happening around our house. The end of the school year is coming up which means tons of grading, birthday parties almost every weekend, and just in general super crazy. I have been desperately holding on to my 35 pound weight loss and just at a stand still. My goal is to in the next four weeks try to get as close to my 50 pound weight loss goal by the end of the school year. I am going to post some revised goals for my weight loss and healthiness later this weekend. Stay tuned!

I'm a loser-Dealing with Rejection

2011-05-25T14:12:00.000-04:00

So of course no one likes to loose, not one likes to be rejected...especially me. I am that person. I was class president, I was prom queen, I graduated with honors, I have even gotten almost every job I have ever applied for. Seriously, with the exception of weght loss I am usually very successful at things. Well recently I was dealt a blow to my ego. I was rejected from being a mentor teacher at my school (apparently my essay application was not strong enough and I am encouraged to work on them and apply again next year). Now I know that my writing is a weak spot with me so in theory I am ok with this rejection. Yet, it is still very hard to take. It is hard to take and not deal with rejection the way I always have in the past. By stuffing down that feeling with food. I have been doing really well without mindlessly eating, but it has been hard. It has been hard to sit with the emotions that acompany not getting something that I really wanted and felt qualified for and see others be excepted. This does not mean that I am one of those bitter people who hates the people that were selected (I don't because they are some of my dearest co-workers and greatly deserved to be chosen) it is just hard to know that you were not one of the "chosen ones". So it has been about a week and half now and honestly I have decided something....its ok to be a loser. Its ok not to always win. As long as I take something away from this experience and move forward in a postive direction being a loser is ok with me. Plus, I have a feeling that a lot us have been losers at some point in our lives and I am in good company!

What if my scale didn't exsist??

2011-05-16T09:31:00.001-04:00

So one of the blogs that I love to read "OK, just one more beer..." posed this question this week. It really got me thinking if I didn't weigh myself constantly how would I know I was moving to live a healthy lifestyle. When I lost a lot of weight a few years ago (prior to babies) I really had an unhealthy relationship with my scale. I become obsessed with the what it said and I allowed it really dictate my emotional well being. This time around I have figured out that I need to work on loosing weight as an overall healthiness journey. This is why I am spending more time then I would like in therapy working out what I loving refer to as "my stuff". Yet, it is still hard not to discuss success and failure by a metal object. Over the last three weeks or so I haven't been able to track (or if I am being honest didn't want to) and instead of going to hte gym I have been taking our new dog for 40 minute walks. Although I haven't been eating unhealhty or not exercising I always look to the scale to see results. After three weeks I have gained one pound. I instantly see that as a failure rather than what it is...I period of time where I am not working as hard as I could be to get to my healthy goal. That is life though...things have been really stressful at work and although I am not binge eating something has to give....that something was tracking and constant vigilance of every morsel of food. In reality though that is going to be what life is like for me Good times and bad and I think I really need to reflect and start to think about what does healthy mean...is it a number on a scale or how I live my life everyday and with every choice. I wish I could say I could live my life right now without that metal object...but honestly right now that scale is still part of my journey...not the only part but one of.

I Don't Do Change

2011-05-04T09:29:00.000-04:00

I don't do change, at least not without a fight. Hence why despite how much I want to instantly live a healthy life I haven't yet. For me change is scary, it causes me anxiety, and it gets me focused on something other than my goals of being a great healthy mom. Recently there has been a lot of rumors swirling around at my job. IF there are any glee watchers I felt the theme was fitting for my work situation. Without giving a lot of details it looks like due to budget cuts my current boss is being moved (and I love her) and she may or may not be replaced at all and if so her possible replacements make me nervous because they do not really value my discipline. I really love what I do, I am passionate about the subject that I teach and my students. The thought of having a boss who does not value those same things makes me very uncomfortable. I know that not all change is bad, that perhaps is an opportunity for me to step up and try to do more within my department. Yet, change is scary. I am one of those people that does not sit well with uncertainty and that usually leads to emotional eating. I guess it is a good thing that the only thing I packed to day for lunch was veggies, fruit, and pretzels nothing to binge on in a 10 mile radius. I know that tit will all work out but for now I am sitting her biting the crap out of my nails and a pen trying not to reach a full on freak out.

On a healthy note though despite being so crazy and not having a change to go to the gym...I have taken the puppy on a minimum of 25-30 minute walk including several hills every day since Sunday. Hey it may not be the gym but at least its something!

Didn't Win-But Still Proud

2011-05-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

So many of you know I was in the running to the be next prior fat girl. This was a great honor for me to be selected as one of the nine women to have thier stories shared. Although I did not win, for me just sharing my story was a big win! Not only did I get to put my story into words, which was healing in its own right, but I made the big decision to share my story with people in my real life. Most people I work with along with my friends have no idea what I have been struggling with in terms of my weight and eating issues. Just being part of the competition has made me feel lighter and freer then I have in a very long time. I am so proud of all the other eight women in this competition with me and I am so excited for Ali to start on her journey over at Prior fat girl. As for me, I will be here plugging away and sharing my journey where I always have. For the first time in a long time I am really proud of myself. So a great thanks to Jen at Prior fat girl for the opportunity and even though I lost...I lost something more important the shame that I have felt in regards to my eating issues. Sometimes when we loose, we actually really win!

Check out the rest of my competetors here

Off Track-But for good reason

2011-05-01T20:52:00.000-04:00

So I have vowed to be honest and try and post more regularly to my blog despite what happens over at prior fat girl. Well for the past two weeks there have been no gym and no tracking. Despite that I still have maintained my weight (well I didn't weigh myself this week but last week I lost another pound). There have been several reasons for this

1. My new doggy got super sick. She got kennel cough and was wicked sick, thankfully she is doing better. She is great. On the days that I have time she and I go for a huge walk of about 30-35 minutes so although I am not hitting the gym I am still exercising which is good.

Olivia getting snug in her blanket

2. My baby J got sick...so sick that the day after Easter we had to take her to the Children's hospital for chest x-rays. SHe is doing much better but I had to miss two days of work and she needed a lot of attention

Baby J-Chilling and feeling a bit sick

Baby J working the camera pre sickness

3. My hubby is snoring. I mean a lot. Which means I am woken up on average 5 times a night. It stinks. I love him dearly but I need my sleep otherwise I am a disaster.

4. Things at work are crazy due to budget cuts and a lot of political issues there is a new rumor flying around about who is getting moved, who is getting hired, and who is fired. Now mind you none of this affects me in terms of my job but it does affect who my supervisor may or may not be and that stresses me out.

5. THE PROM........I am the junior class advisor for my school and our prom was this past Friday night. It was an amazing event and the kids looked amazing and had a great time. The problem is I thought planning my wedding was tough...well at least at my wedding there wasn't over 300 teenagers and the guests of honor did not include the school's principal and superintendent. It was crazy, I am lucky I have a great co-advisor who really made the job a heck of a lot easier.

Momma Hunt and three of her officers-Yes I got a prom dress too!

All five of these things put together meant something had to go and it was the gym and the tracking. My goal is now on Monday to start fresh...tracking and maybe just maybe a few trips to the gym this week.

Have a great start to the week everyone!!!

Still Waiting

2011-04-30T20:25:00.000-04:00

Ok so I am still waiting to hear if I have been selected as the next prior fat girl mom edition. As more of the day goes on I am thinking that it is not me. One email with instructions said the winner will be notified today another one said we would all be notified today....so I am waiting and thinking perhaps I haven't heard because it wasn't me. Which I have to be honest I do think I would be a bit bummed. I think it is something that would be a great opportunity for me. On the other hand just entering this competition has been wonderful. I finally told a lot of people about my weight issues and my eating issues and although scary was very liberating so even if I don't win it will still have been a good thing for me to do. Well I am off to cozy up on the couch with my new puppy and head to be early (of course stalking my email at least one more time pre bed). Had the prom last night so I hardly got any sleep after coming home at 1pm and getting up with the kids at 6! I will let everyone know how the results turn out. Thanks for all your support in the competition as well as on here

Need your help-To be the Next

2011-04-25T13:48:00.002-04:00

Ok everyone-To my official followers and those of you who stalk my blog (I know some of you do) now is the time I could really use your help. The voting portion of Prior Fat Girl Mom edition has begun. The mom with the most votes at the end of this week will be it. We are not really allowed to beg for votes since this is about who would be the best fit for the prior fat girl website so for my follower most of whom visit the site anyways, if you feel I would be the best mom prior fat girl...please cast your vote in my favor. If not check out who would be the best! I have been excited for this opportunity so go on, head over there, and check it out!

A new Edition

2011-04-20T10:53:00.003-04:00

So we are so excited to tell my bloggy world that we are adding on the the Hunt family. Please meet Olivia (Livvy) Hunt. She is a cute six pound, four month old, rat terrier. She has stolen my heart already. The best part...she needs about an hour or so of walking every day to keep her happy. Lots of Activity Points for me!! Trying to get some photos up here for you all to see. Also please check out www.priorfatgirl.com my entry was posted on Monday under the future prior fat girl tab. Off to snuggle my babies!

Outside of my comfort Zone

2011-04-10T10:08:00.002-04:00

Ok so I have done two things out of my comfort zone lately. The first is that I allowed someone to get upset with me and I DIDN"T try to make it better. I am a fixer, I always have to have people like me so when someone gets upset with me I totally bend over backwards to fix it, make it better, even if I didn't do anything wrong. I do this even when it may have been something my hubby has done. I hate for people to be upset with me. Well I have been working on that...that it is ok for people not to like me or be upset with me. So recently on facebook (sometimes I hate that stupid thing) I posted a status that got someone upset. There was nothing wrong with my status I was commenting on some bad tests I had to grade and a friend of a friend some how got offended and then proceeded to start a rant on my page. TO the point that three separate people emailed me to comment on how offensive this other person was to me. So rather then try and make it better I simple posted my opinion and said that this person in the past has said things that offend my sensibilities and that we need to agree to disagree. Then about 10 hours later I just simply deleted all the comments from my page. Screw them! Its my page-If you don't like it too bad. Go be mad at me. I don't need someone like that anywhere in my life. For most people this is a normal response...but for me it was a big deal

The other thing outside my comfort zone...I am in the running to be the next prior fat girl. For those of you who don't know there is an amazing site for those of us who are struggling in our journey to figure out what a healthy lifestyle is. The site is called www.priorfatgirl.com I love it. Well a few weeks ago I noticed that they were looking for a new prior fat girl, one that was a mom, to be a contributing blogger to the site. Normally I would shy away from this because it would mean be open and honest about my eating issues. Instead I thought that this would be an amazing opportunity for me...even just applying was a great thing. So I did and guess what....I was chosen as one of the few entries that the readers of the site will get to vote on as the possible new Prior fat girl! This is so exciting to me. I promise once my submission goes up I will post for all of you to see it.

Sounds like Spring is the start of some new beginnings for me!

Glad to be back on track

2011-04-04T19:50:00.002-04:00

Over the past week and half from my birthday to the aftermath of my baby girl's party my eating has been gross. There were times I found myself eating junk not because I was hungry but because it was there. I am not use to eating out or having junk food in the house so I was ridiculous. I hated that out of control feeling around food, but more than that I hated feeling gross after eating. So this AM, I stepped on the scale saw the 2.5 pounds of damage the last week and half had done and am back on track. Glad to be headed in the right direction. I am still working on that 50 pounds, and I would love to get there before May! Off to log my points online...

Here is a picture from the party this weekend of my baby girl and me!

My Baby is One-Reflecting on a year

2011-03-31T19:18:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday my wee baby turned one....sniff. When I look back at this year I get a bit emotional. Not only because my little girl has changed so much I have changed. She has gone from that newborn blob phase to a amazing little Diva with ridiculous sassy personality. My sassy little girl is the reason that I have really been trying to make changes with myself. I want to be the best mommy I can be for her and have really been trying. Some times this process of change has been easy...but I just remind myself of this fact...we don't grow up and change overnight. Just like Josie didn't go from that squishy faced newborn to a the chubby crawling diva she is now in one day. It look a lot of small changes over time for her to morph into the perfect little princess that she is. So much like her, little changes over time will turn me into the person I hope to be too. So to my baby girl...Happy birthday you have always been my moon (to your brother who is the sun). You bring me calm and peace and your quiet beauty is awe inspiring. Josephine Momma loves you and thank you for inspiring me to change!

A birthday enjoyed and a deadline missed

2011-03-28T08:03:00.003-04:00

So as my 31st bday approached I was nervous, not about getting another year older but that I would be a little over ten pounds from my bday goal. I am that person that will not be happy that I have lost 35 pounds since Janurary, I wanted it to be 50. I should be happy with the 35 but there is that part of me that said if I did more, restricted more, been more perfect I woudl have hit my goal. Yet, the new and improved me is trying to talk myself off the ledge and say 35 pounds while nursing a baby and dealling with a lot of emotional stuff is great and that I will hit that 50 pounds just perhaps a little bit after what I expected. Also, scale wise the weight I am at now is where I have been stuck in a plateua twice before on my weight loss journey. My new goal is to be at 50 by my student's junior prom in a little over a month and still strive for my end of the year goal. I don't think I am going to change my overall goals, but realize that as long as I reach them tha tis what is importnat. On a lighter note, I had an amazingly happy brithday with my family!

Emotional Hot Mess-Yup thats me

2011-03-20T14:57:00.005-04:00

So I have been typing this post now for three days, deleting and retyping. Mainly because I don't want to reveal too many of my deep dark issues or hurt any one's feelings although I am fairly sure that other than a few co-workers and my cousin only other bloggers read this blog!

I have been trying to write a post on the struggles I have been having lately with not taking things too personally. As I am working on becoming the best person I can be, this has left me feeling very delicate. So something like someone not coming to my daughters party (Lexy it this isn't you) I start to question what about me makes someone not want to make this day a priority. I know there are a 100 different reason for people not being able to attend but I instantly take that personally. I know that for most people kiddie parties are a jab your eyes out experience. Other things like issues at work plague me for days. I think that if i was a better teacher/worker/coworker, these things wouldn't happen. I instantly take these things to heart when I should let them roll off my back. Yet I have never done that, I would just eat to make myself feel better and since I am not doing that anymore (ok trying not to do that anymore) it leads me to feeling raw. Exposed. I don't like it.

I like to pretend that everything is fine, that I am the pillar of strength. I know that showing emotion and letting people know that I am dealing with all this does not make me weak, but it is so out of my comfort zone! I find that I fluctuate between emotional hot mess to full on bitch. This whole new world of experiencing emotions is new to me instead of eating them away. So you can expect a more posts of how I am a hot ass emotional mess...but at least I am not sneaking around eating cake a ho-hos!

Thanks for letting me vent blog world!

My Loss of Shit Moment

2011-03-14T10:40:00.003-04:00

So Friday it happened...it has been brewing for a week or so.....I lost my shit at work! Although I want to talk about it here, I often don't and should. I have been working really hard with my Dr. to deal with my eating issues (lets call it what it is an eating disorder). For years I have been starving myself and binge eating more binging then starving. As I am dealing with these issues it has left me feeling raw, overly sensitive, and very very emotional. You take away the one thing that helped me keep my emotions locked away and you throw in a horrible week at work it leads to a loss of shit on my part. It doesn't really matter what it was over (I was sick of doing other people's job and told my boss they should be doing there) and I got fired up at one of my many bosses at school, he called me out on it, and I got so angry I started to cry. Those huge angry tears, the ones that no matter how hard you try to stop them, they come anyways. I know I shouldn't have been but I was horribly embarrassed at my lack of control. I know. I know I showed that I was human..god the horror. But for me who has spent years and years covering up my emotions, pretending to be ok when I am not, to show my coworkers that I was really upset was a very hard thing for me. Even today as some of them check in on me to see that I am ok it hard not to be embarrassed but I know that this is part of my growth. Learning how to experience emotion and process it in a healthy way. Maybe I needed this loss of shit moment to help me on my journey of figuring out who I am!

Break No Bones- A Temperance Brennan Novel

2011-03-08T11:54:00.004-05:00

Lets me start out by saying that I love the TV show bones....Love, love, love it! So I put one of Reichs books on my wish list a few years ago thinking that if I like the show I would like the books. Although I did like the book in the end..it took a lot to get into. I was expecting the character to be very similar to the one that I watch weekly but it was not the same exact character. After I finally got over that and into the store itself it was a decent book. I think my reading experience would have been much more enjoyable had a started reading Reichs' stories in order in which they were written rather than just a random book in the series. I think that if I had done that I would have understood some of the on going plot line that I knew I didn't get as I was reading along. All in all this was a fun read, but I would highly recomend reading the series in order. My rating on this would be 3/5 stars.

Last Week's Round Up 2/5-2/11

2011-02-15T14:52:00.002-05:00

Ok So I think I am going to attempt to post a weekly round up of how I did the previous week. Mainly for myself but also to get in the habit of doing more than just reading other people's blogs and maybe to start posting on my own. So this week was a great week in terms of eating and exercising. By Friday I had worked out every single day Sun-Thursday which for me is a huge step in the right direction. But then when I weighed myself for the week I had gained a half of pound, which of course made me angry. But I figured I just have to plug along and it iwll work out eventually. I do have to say that this weekend was tough. With baking for my son's valentines party and going to eat at other people's houses both Saturday and Sunday it makes me nervous for this upcoming week considering I haven't exercised this week yet do to committments. I hope to get back on track with working out tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday for my weight. So basically my weekly round up is this
Exercise 5-0 in favor of me , Weight 0-1 in favor of the scale

The Other Boleyn Girl-Book Review

2011-02-02T12:39:00.003-05:00

So I have become addicted to Phillippa Gregory books. This is the third one I have read and by far my favorite. As you all know I am a history teacher so historical fiction is very much a new favorite style of mine. What I liked most about this book is that it is from the prospective of Anne Boleyn's sister Mary. Who was also a mistress of Henry and who gave birth to two of his illegitimate children. I loved not only the interplay between the sisters and their constant competition both for their family's attention and the kings. Another aspect of the book that I was especially drawn to was the constant theme of women and women's roles in this time period. It was a great look into what was a woman's role and was she really in charge of anything. In the novel you see the main character grow up from a young girl of 14 when she begins her affair with the king (shockingly she is already married at this point) and then into her late twenties. As she ages in the book you see her change from a young girl who does exactly what her family says, including bedding the king to an adult woman who stands on her own and distances herself from her family just in time to escape being included in the tragic death of her sister Queen Anne and her brother. This was a great story not only of the sisters but also of the rise and fall of the famed Anne Boleyn.

Ahhh the snow!!!

2011-02-01T09:43:00.005-05:00

For those of you who aren't my immediate friends and family that read this blog you might not know that we are experiencing a wicked January winter here in CT. We have had more snow days in January then the last two school years put together. Of course it is right in the middle of exams and the start of my second semester at school and I just can't manage to get into the swing of things. Although I love the days at home with the family...it does make it hard to gear up for school. Also, I have been finding if very hard to keep up with my food tracking and exercise. Not that I am gaining weight (in fact I lost 3 pounds in the last two weeks) but it just feel unfocused. I have been trying to just keep afloat with one eye on the weather trying to figure out what tomorrow will bring. So my goal today during my snow day I want to catch up on some book reviews I have been meaning to post. Update my good reads account. Write out my daughter's first birthday invites (so scary that she is going to be one in a few months) and try and do a lengthy workout down stairs. I am not going to lie the prospect of taking a nice afternoon nap is alsohighly appealing! I also thought I would post a few pics of the incredible snow we got here in CT (this is not including the foot of snow theninches of ice that are expected over the next few days). The photos are of my son and the pile of snow at the end of our driveway. The thing behind the snowpile is our shed, and the other pic isto show you perspective of D's swing set to show you how high the snow is.

Book Review-Finally

2011-01-07T11:26:00.005-05:00

So it has been way to long since I have written a book review. I have still been reading but have not even had time to write a review but it is back on the wagon again. The book that I just finished and loved was Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. This book has been getting a lot of hype and when my hubby read it and loved it a month ago I felt I really wanted to read it. The book follows a journalist through his meteoric fall from grace and an unusual job that he gets after his fall from grace. This job is to write a family history of a famous family but while doing so to investigate an unsolved mystery. Along the way we are introduced to one of the most interesting female characters that I have come across in my reading...Lisbeth. As the story moves along you get easily sucked in to the mystery of what happened with this murder and are shocked when the truth comes out. Also, as I was reading I was immediately fascinated with the character of Lisbeth and he interaction with Mikael (the main character) and how their relationship evolves throughout the story. I found the book excellent on two levels...it was a great mystery who done it story along with a great characters piece where the two main characters are a fascinating study. The only thing that I was not 100% in love with, with the book was the level of violence (especially towards women). Now I will say this, it was not violence for the sake of violence it was part of the story and part of why the characters are who they are. Yet, I am not a huge fan of anything super violent or super graphic even in novel form. I would highly recommend this book as one of those must read "it books" of the last year! This one gets Five stars

2011 100+ Challenge

2010-12-31T20:15:00.001-05:00

Although I feel ridiculously short on this challenge last year....That baby through a wrench in my reading. My goal is to get reading this year and although I know full well unless I count the stories I read to my kids I will never get to 100, I think this is a great challenge and I will do the best I can. I hope some of you will join my on my quest to be more well read in 2011

January
1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

New Year-New Weight Goals

2010-12-31T16:42:00.000-05:00

Ok so as the new year approaches I need to reevaluate my goals for my weight loss. I am not going to make any other resolution then to work on maintaining a healthy lifestyle and being good to myself. So here are the revised goals for 2011

By my 31st and Baby J's 1st bday-50 Pounds Lost

By the end of the School Year-70 Pounds lost

By the start of the 2011-2012 school year-85 pounds lost

By 2012-Goal weight!

Mother's Guilt

2010-12-30T16:38:00.002-05:00

I am wondering if every mother has those days where they are consumed by guilt. For example I feel guilty that the kids are playing and I am blogging. I felt guilty that I could not have the patience I wanted to with my son last night. My hubs had surgery a few days ago and it has been overwhelming to say the least to take care of him, and the two kids and not loose my mind. I got really upset at my son who I knew was acting out because his big strong daddy was sick. I feel guilty because I ate cookies. I am a stress eater and have been really working hard not to binge eat well yesterday was a really rough day and the only thing around was cookies. I was really upset because I am nursing and my daughter does not tolerate dairy well. So I felt really guilty for eating those cookies not only because they are bad for me but because they are bad for her too. I know that each of these things is not going to harm them in some horrible way or make them hate me when they get older but that guilt that a mother feels never seems to go away. I think that I need to realize that as long as I love them with all my heart they are going to be just find and that is all that my kids really want. Well I am off to play with the kids, my daughter J is playing with her follow me Fiona and barking at it so perhaps now is the time to get the video camera.

Happy Holidays

2010-12-27T14:58:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to wish those who are still readers a very Merry Christmas. We had a hectic but lovely day in our house. I have included a picture of our Christmas baby. I wish I had a holiday photo of my son-But then lets remember he is three and half and never sits still long enough to capture an image.

Sorry for the hiatus

2010-12-21T08:06:00.003-05:00

So to those who still know I exist in the bloggy world I am sorry for the lack of posts. Real life kicked in. I work full time as a high school teacher (which means tons of papers to grade) I have an nine month old who is still nursing (which means pumping twice a day during my lunch and free period) and a three year old (need I say more) I hardly have time to go to the bathroom let alone get all my school work, holiday shopping, working out, and blogging in. So something had to give, and sadly it had to be something that i love....my bloggy world. I am hoping to reconnect and see how everyone is doing while on holiday break (I may even have some time today) and how everyone is doing on their mommy, weight loss, and book journeys. . If I don't get to wish it to everyone via the blog, happy holidays to all.

SHHHH...Don't tell me secret

2010-11-02T13:08:00.003-04:00

I have realized through the help of a good therapist, that there is nothing wrong with admitting Im not perfect and that I need to ask for help. I finally came to the conclusion that I can't do this weight loss thing myself. I have been toying with the idea of joining Weight Watchers again. The first time I lost 70 pounds i did it with weight watchers. Then I gained it all back and then some (with the help of two pregnancies). For some reason I have been scared to go back to it. Scared of failure, scared of change, scared of not being able to keep the weight off again. Then I realized there is nothing wrong with asking for help, nothing wrong with admitting that loosing weight is the hardest thing I have ever done, and will ever do again. So I did it. I joined weight watchers online. I promised this time I would be completely honest, even when I eat horribly, that I need to be honest and that way this can be the last time I have to loose this weight. It was a hard decision and I am keeping it to myself (well not so much anymore) but I haven't told my hubby or my family because this is for me. This is my journey, this is my thing. And so far, so good, In two weeks I have lost 3 pounds and on my way to finishing that 25 pounds I wanted gone by labor day, only three more and I will be at 25 pounds since June (not too shabby). This is including a holiday party at our house with tons of goodies. I wasn't perfect with my eating, but then again nothing in life is!

So....no telling my secret!!!!!!! I will keep you updated on how it goes!

A jealous inspiration

2010-09-27T11:23:00.002-04:00

So I am always looking for an inspiration to move me forward, while on Saturday I saw one. My sister in law. Although I would never in a billion years think that she needed to loose weight she has struggled for a few years trying to get off post baby weight. She is very petite and in great shape but was really struggling to hit what was her goal weight. While she posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that she hit her weight. I was so excited for her becasue I know how hard it is to loose weight, especially weight that you lost and regained. I was proud, then on Saturday I saw her....it was more than proud it was jaw dropping how good she looked and instantly made me jealous. Then we chatted and you know how she got to looking that good (the old fashion way with smaller portions and exercising more) damn...I was hoping for a miracle cure. Now I was jealous for about a bit then it led to inspiration. I want that, I want to be at my goal weight. No of course I have way more than she lost I need to loose about 65 more pounds, but it inspired me that if I get exercising more and keep eating the way that I am that I can get there too. So to my sister in law...thanks for the kick in the pants I am so proud of you!

The Oprah Debate

2010-09-24T13:26:00.003-04:00

So my hubby and I love us some Oprah. We are taping the final season so we can watch it after the kids go to bed. Sadly we were really upset about the shows content on Monday about education. For those of you who may not have saw it was based on the documentary coming out "Waiting for Superman" and a lot of the episode was our bad teacher get tenured and then they teach forever and it is hurting our kids. As a teacher I would be the first to admit that bad teachers need to go. No Question, No Comment, No Buts...Bad teachers no matter how long they have been teaching need to be fired. That being said....to me the debate is about how do we judge what is bad. As a parent I know that parents feel very strongly about having a good teacher for their child (and they should). Yet, I am concerned over who and what decides a good teacher. I think that teachers should be evaluated by a department head and other veteran good teachers and evaluated on how they teach, their relationship with their students, and their ability to prepare students for tests as well as content material. What I never want to be judged on is if my students are able to take and pass a test. I teach lower level kids who for a variety of reasons they can not no matter what I do, be able to pass certain standardized tests. I would hate to see good teachers, who love their job and are good at it, be fired for students not meeting standards.

So what are your thoughts? How should a teacher be "graded"? Who should grade them? What is considered failing?

Weight Update

2010-09-20T14:35:00.002-04:00

So I haven't really been keeping up with the weight update, and unlike my usual MO its not because I haven't been loosing. I have still been loosing about a half a pound to a pound a week. As of now I have lost about 18 pounds since June and am happy with that. As usual I wish it was double that. Then again I need to remember that a pound a week in year will be 50 pounds and half way to my goal. I also know that I need to do this the right way, and in a way that fits into my lifestyle. I am not 22, living on my own, and able to go to the gym every day for at least an hour and half. That ship has sailed and so have the days of 2 plus pounds of weight loss a week. I do need to step up my game and more closely record my food intake. I am hoping to update my weight loss a bit more frequently now that I am making a better effort to work hard to find some me time everyday.

Why I have been away

2010-09-16T09:53:00.002-04:00

Work-That is the answer. I have headed back to work after a five month maternity leave and it has in plain English kicked my ass. Not only in the fact that I am not used to getting up and working all day, but emotionally as I leave my kids every day. I have never been the kind of woman who feels she needs to be a stay at home mom. I love my Job as a high school teacher and I would never think of doing anything else. But for some reason returning to work with two at home has been hard. There are days where I feel I am running a marathon. Between getting up and getting my oldest ready for daycare/preschool, getting the baby fed and ready for my father to come and watch her, dropping my son off, working all day without any real break (I have to use my one 40min planning period to pump as well as my lunch) and then it is home to get some time in with kids. I promised myself that when they are awake they will get my full attention so I don't do any school work but try to squeeze in some laundry or cleaning. By the time the kids get into bed, lunches are made and I have showered there is barely any time to do anything (hence the no blogging or posting from me) and don't even get my started on that cute guy who lives in my house who I barely get to speak to....I think he might be my husband but sometimes its hard to remember. Oh yeah and then there is that issue of exercising and weight loss that doesn't even begin to make my radar.

Then it hit me the other day (while having a loss of shit moment) that the best thing I can do for my kids is to take care of their mother. I need to carve out some me time in the hot mess that is this working mom lifestyle. I have decided that I am going to try to make a blog post and comment on blogs every other day, exercise even if for only 30 min five times a week, starting on Monday recording what I eat in sparkpeople and try to scrapbook once every other week. I need to be at least a little sane in this crazy world I live in.

Here is to a new refreshed me!!!

The Immortal Life of Henrieta Lacks-Book Review

2010-08-23T08:02:00.001-04:00

I can honestly say that The Immortal Life of Henrieta Lacks was one of the greatest books that I have ever read. Not only was it interesting from a scientific perspective it was also a gripping tale of the lives of Henrieta Lacks. This book centers on Mrs. Lacks who died of cancer some 40 years ago but her cells were taken and cultured and are now used in most science labs world wide because of their ability to grow. They are used by almost all scientists in their research. Not only was I drawn into the scientific implications of Mrs. Lacks's cells and the story of the cells themselves, I was absolutely drawn into the store of her children, especially her daughter Deborah. As much as this book was about the science of her cells, the book was also about the daughter that was left behind. I find myself laughing, crying, and more important contemplating the fairness of it all. Here is a woman whose cells have forged some of the greatest scientific discovers of the last 30 years and her children are living in poverty, grown up without a mother, and until this book was written really had no idea about those cells and what exactly they meant to the world. This is a fascinating read, I can truly say that I haven't read anything like this ever and I am truly amazed by this book and feel it is a must read for everyone.

Day Six-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-22T11:01:00.002-04:00

Something I hope I never have to do-Bury my children. No explanation necessary!

Day Five-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

Something you hope to do in your life-One thing I have always dreamed of doing is getting a Doctorate degree. I have always loved school, perhaps that is why I have two master's degrees. For some reason I have always wanted the title DR. before my name. I would love on in history or psychology which is what I teach but those are super hard subjects to get a PHd in. So I am leaning towards one in education. Realistically, it will have to wait until my children are older and I have time to go back to school. I hope this is something that my future holds, but with two kids and mortgage it is on the back burner for now.

Day Four-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-16T06:44:00.002-04:00

Something I need to forgive someone for-So this one might be harder than my previous post. The person I need to forgive is my husband. Although he is very open about this part of his life, I am not but I probably should be. Almost two years ago my husband set into a very severe depression. It was bad...so bad that almost two years later I am not over it. Obviously he is doing much better or I would have never had a second child, but I am still dealing with how devastating his illness was to him and me and our family. When you get married you say for better or worse, but you never think a lot about what "for worse" can mean. For me it was almost 7 month of living with a shell of the person I loved, living in a house filled with anger, sadness, and despair. That entire time I would get up every day and wish things were better, go to work and pretend things were fine, and come home to my own private hell. I never told anyone, not my parents, not my best friend, no one. I pretended that life was fine hoping that if I pretended enough it would be true. Although we have come through this (with a lot of therapy for both of us) better people, parents, and a better couple I am still angry. I am angry for the loss of those months, the pain and the hurt that I had to live through. I know it is selfish of me to say because I know it was horrible for my hubby too. I of course love my hubby and am so proud of him for getting help and getting his head and heart where it needs to be, but I do have to forgive him so that I can begin to really deal with that part of our lives and put it behind us.

Day 3-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-12T20:02:00.002-04:00

What do you have to figure yourself for:

I know this might sound harsh but I need to forgive myself for getting fat again. Several years ago about a year and half before I got married I lost a ton of weight (about 70 Pounds to be exact) and then after my wedding spent the next two and half years slowly gaining about 45 of that back. Then I got pregnant and went on a nine month bender. After that I was the heaviest I had been in my whole life and it took me two years to loose that weight but I was still almost 50 pounds heavier, then came baby number two. That puts me to somewhere in the 80 plus pounds to loose mark. I have to forgive myself because everyday I wake up, look in the mirror and get upset at what I allowed to happen to my body. I think that the sooner I forgive myself the quicker I will be able to feel good in my own skin again.

Day 2-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-09T08:53:00.000-04:00

Name something you like about yourself.......

This has always been a harder thing for me to do. So here are a few things that I am proud of

* My sense of humor. Although my husband insists Im not as funny as I think I am, I think I'm pretty darn funny

* I love my laugh..it isn't a dainty lady laugh it is a loud (probably annoying to some) full body laugh and I do it often

*I love that I give my all to my job and I really love it and my students. I love that I am that person that wakes up everyday excited to go to work and even on the bad days can't imagine doing anything else.

...hmmmm maybe that was easier then I thought

Day One-30 Days of Truth

2010-08-08T08:43:00.002-04:00

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Ok so I could totally take the easy way out and say my weight but that is an easy choice, I don't know many women who are happy with that aspect of their lives. The thing that I hate most about myself is my need to be liked. This quality has hurt not only me but the other people around me. I worry a lot about what people think of me and wanting to be liked. There have been numerous times in my life that I haven't said what I wanted to, not done what I wanted to because I was scared that someone or a group of someones wouldn't like what I said. I have spent way to much time worry about what someone thought of me or my actions. This has also hurt the people around me because my poor husband has to listen to me be consumed by my own insecurities and I also feel that when I am so worried about what other people think I am not making myself a happy person, the best person I can be for my children. Thankfully, I am working really hard on starting to break away from these tendencies and not spend so much of my life consumed with being liked by others and focusing on being liked by the only person who matters....me

30 Days of Truth

2010-08-08T08:41:00.002-04:00

I found this little blog challenge via LIve Laugh, and love your guts and she found it from Carissa at This Little Family...who found it through someone else, who found it through someone else...who found it through...Homesick Cajun.

30 Days of Truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I will make my first post later today!!!!

Sometimes you are more than a teacher

2010-08-04T07:27:00.002-04:00

So last night I had a former student over for dinner. Although some people, even fellow teachers, would think it weird to have a student over to their house. They would think that it crosses some fundamental line between your work life and private life. I have never been one of those teachers that feels I need to keep those two things completely separate but I would have never thought of having a student to my house to eat because it would be weird. Last night's dinner wasn't weird it was wonderful.

This student, who I have grown close to over the past two years, has become more than a student he has become like family. Now you might be asking why or how does that happen. In truth I don't really know how it happens, it just did. This student on a good day would drive most teachers a little crazy. He was a funny kid who was too smart for low level classes but lazy enough to not be in a higher level. He couldn't sit still in his seat and was almost always off task. Yet, over the course of the two years he became one of my favorite students. I found out months ago that a lot of his behavioral issues had to deal with what was going on at home, his mom was dying and had been diagnosed with terminal cancer when he was in middle school. As I got to know him more, I realized the reason I liked him so much he was because he was like me. He got up every day, slapped on a happy face, and pretended that his life wasn't a hot mess at home. As I was getting ready to leave to have my daughter he kept telling me how much he was going to miss me not being at school everyday (even when the semester changed and he was no longer my student he came to see me several times a week to check in). I gave him my cell phone number in case of emergency and sadly he needed the number sooner then expected. A week and half before my baby was due his mother died. I was blessed to be one of three teachers he asked to a private graduation ceremony that the school held for him and his mother in her hospice care facility, I went to her funeral two days before my baby was born, and one of few people to visit me in the hospital after my baby was born was this student, I even got to see him graduate "for real". We send each other text messages about once a week to check in on each other and last night he came to dinner. Somehow along that way I became more than a teacher to him and he was something more than just "a student"

The Constant Princess-Book Review

2010-07-31T10:32:00.004-04:00

So I have somewhat dropped off in my reading lately, not for lack of desire to read, more the lack of time. By the time I have any time to read, it is after 10:30 and that is cutting into the other thing that I love and never get to do....sleep. So it took me a few months but I finally finished my second Kindlebook The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory. This chronicles the early days of King Henry's First wife-Katherine. It was a great look into the life of this Spanish Princess who was betrothed early in childhood to The Prince of Whales and grew up knowing that she was born to be Queen of England. What I particularly loved about this book was not only looking into this part of Tudor England but also getting a look into Spanish History. Having traveled to Spain during high school and visiting several of the places at are discussed in this book was lovely. I also liked that Gregory looks into the reality that religious life played in both England and Spain during this time period. The last thing that made me fall in love with the book is it gives a chilling look into what made King Henry the way he was and why he became the scary autocrat that he was. I would highly recommend this book to any historical fiction buffs, my only complaint I will make is that I wished I had read this book first in Gregory's Tudor books. I think it was a much better starting point then anywhere else. I would give this book a 4 out of 5.

The Mother Load of all tantrums

2010-07-26T13:50:00.002-04:00

So this is just a quick post about the Mother Load of all tantrums my son had two weeks ago. It was a typical day in the Momma Hunt home and something set my little cherub off. Who knows maybe the wind blew the wrong way, maybe I looked at him wrong, or most likely he was cranky from holding going to the bathroom because he is stubborn and potty training. Well he throws a big ole fit, so we gently place him in his room (i.e. he is carried kicking and screaming and dumped on the floor while shutting the door on the rage) and he continues to work it out in his room. No work it out involves screaming, crying, throwing things, and hitting his little fists on the door. We after about ten minutes he starts to calm down and I go to the door to check on him and talk to him post tantrum and as I get to the door, there is a smell......moms you know the smell that has come to mean, its time to get the wipes. So I ask him if he had an accident in his pull up and a sweet small voice says "No" my reply "Then why does it smell like poops" then I open the door and there it is. THE MOTHERLOAD (literally) a huge poop right on the floor in front of the door. This is when Momma Hunt lost whatever was left of her mind and went crazy. I was crying and laughing, and yelling to my husband "He shit on the floor, he got so pissed he shit on the floor"

That's right folks my son got so worked up that he pooped in his pull up and was jumping and kicking and pounding on the door so hard, the poop feel out of his pull up. Literally, the Motherload of all tantrums.

Motherhood is so glamourous

My First Babies

2010-07-08T07:23:00.002-04:00

This is a post dedicated to my first babies-Rocky my Doxie and Sweetpea my beagle. Both of them were adopted shortly after our one year anniversary (which was five years ago this week). They were the love of our lives and now that they are gone it has been tough.

To Rockefeller WaggyBottom (aka Rocky): You were a spitfire from the second you came home. You had more attitude in your little paw them most dogs can ever dream of. Perhaps you didn't understand that you were only 14 pounds, but I didn't care I loved it. I loved your sass, your worship me tude' and I fell for it. I feel in love with you head over heels and there was nothing I wouldn't do for you or let you have. I remember your little dance that you did at me feet till I picked up up, your insistence on weekends that it was unacceptable that you sleep in your bed past 6am and how you needed to snuggle in the big bed (all the while digging your little feet into daddies back). I loved how you would bark at any dog who walked by the house trying to tell them it was yours. I remember how you cried like you were on the rack the day we brought Sweetpea home because she was totally raining on your parade (yet you protected her and bossed her around soon enough). I loved how on snowy days you would look outside see the snow, look over your shoulder and give us the look like "I don't do snow" or how you would always wait at the bottom of the steps to be picked up like a prince because you were too good for stairs. I loved everything about you and never understood how it could be that you would get sick and need to leave us so soon. Then I realized why yesterday, Sweetpea would need you to be there when she got there, she always needed you to protect her.

To Sweetpea Pumpkin Pie-You are my sweetheart, the dog with a heart of gold. It has always brought be great sadness to know that you were treated so horribly before we took you home. I have no idea who could have been so awful to such a beautful and sweet pup like you. Yet it was evident in every step you took, every look you gave that someone was awful to you, but yet somehow you managed to be sweet and loving and wonderful. We always knew that you wouldn't be a "typical" dog but we loved you so much anyways. I loved the way you tolerated your brother bossing you around, except that one day when you got so mad you started snarling at him and darned if he didn't try to steal your bed again. I loved the way you refused to sleep or sit on anything other than your bed or the furniture. Only the way a dog who never had something soft to sleep on before would do. I loved to see you on walks so happy with your tail wagging like nothing in life was better than that moment. I never stopped being amazed at how good you were with kids and babies. I remember when Dylan discovered your eyes and for a good six months would try and grab them and you would patiently let him never even flinching. Most of all I loved how when petting you, you would snuffle in our ear. We decided long ago that was your way of saying you loved us. You were a fighter, you fought a hard life before we met you, you fought to get over your past and live a happy life with us, you fought through your devastating back injury, and you fought to the last second of your last breath. For that I will always be amazed and love you for.

Most of all I loved you both, more than someone probably should love an animal and I miss you both so much it sometimes hurts to breath. I just loved you so so much, I loved you enough to let you go.

Pluggin Away

2010-07-07T08:33:00.003-04:00

So another weigh in and I was down 1.8 pounds which is really good considering we went out to eat last night and I had fat free coconut icecream, and it is a cool 101 here in CT. Yet, I can't help obsessing about my overall short term goal of 25. For me to make it to that I need to average a wee bit over two pounds a week, I know I set a lofty goal but I am nursing and I know you can drop some serious pounds when you are, plus if I set pussy goals I would put up pussy performance. So I guess I will take this 1.8 and shut up. Also, on a sadder note it looks like today is going to be the day for my little girl. We are going to the vet today at 2 to talk to the vet and as long as he says he's ok with it we are going to put her down. It breaks my heart but I do think it is time.

When to say goodbye

2010-07-05T08:07:00.003-04:00

Warning, not a happy post. This past September our pet beagle Sweetpea suffered a fall down our front steps and slipped a disc which led her to be paralyzed in her back half. After a very expensive stay in the Vet hospital she was able to come home and do rehab and get some of her mobility back. She spent months in her crate and now can walk, not well, and can never do stairs again. Which is tough because we live in a raised ranch. So she must be carried upstairs (which is painful for her) or she stays in her crate. On top of that she has lost her sight. This breaks my heart because she is a stray that we adopted who was horribly horribly abused. She is not a typical dog, she doesn't like toys, balls, or even really seeks out attention. She does love to be pet and snuggled but only if you go over to her. She has to be on what I refer to as puppy Prozac just to keep her stable and not having stress diarrhea. We love her dearly but we have come to the conclusion that she is a burden that is too heavy to handle with two kids, and more than that her quality of life is not good. My husband is more ok with this then I am because he is the one the mainly takes care of her. I am having a harder time mainly because she is such a generally sweet dog who has had a horrible life and I wish there was more we could do. Also, two years ago this October we put our other dog down (that dog was my world and it crushed me to put him down) and I feel that Sweetpea is our last connection to that dog. I can't imagine living in a house without a dog but I am thinking that the only reason we haven't done this sooner is because we are selfish and not thinking of what is best for her, then I question of the reverse is true, are we putting her down because it would make our lives easier. Then this AM when I took her out to go potty I bent down and pet her and looked into her eyes and saw what I did in my other dogs eyes which was sadness and that it was time. Now, the only unanswered thing in my mind is what do I tell my son about his dog. I can't even begin to think about that now.

My Progress

2010-06-28T10:17:00.007-04:00

Revised Goals

50 Pounds-By my 31st bday at the end of March

70 Pounds-By end of School in June

80 Pounds-By Start fo School in September

90 Pounds-By Jan 2012

Getting Tough- I mean it!

2010-06-25T07:02:00.002-04:00

Well after much soul searching I have realized that it is time to get tough with myself. As a mom and a teacher of teenagers I would never in a million years take the mountain of excuses that I come up with for not exercising and loosing weight. If my son gave this much attitude he would be in time out and if it were my students I would tell them to stop whining at me and just do what they have to do. So why have I been allowing myself to make excuses. I think the reason is because the thought of 80 pounds is so overwhelming it cripples me. So with the suggestion the person who is helping me with my eating issues she suggested that along with a reward for a small goal I need to have a negative consequence if I don't meet that goal. So here it is in writing I know the amount seems a bit much but I am nursing so that can really help provided I don't eat like a trucker. My goal 25 pounds by Labor Day. The reward 50.00 to the shoe store. The negative consequence 50.00 to the charity I hate the most knowing that for the next few years they will be sending me flyers etc. So here we go, no excuses its time to get the job done. I am getting tough, I mean it!!!

Y-The Last Man Volume Two

2010-06-21T07:35:00.003-04:00

I am continue to read the graphic novel series Y-The Last Man. I am now on volume two and I am still really liking it. As I have said before I typically humor my hubby about reading comic book type stuff, but I am really liking this series. The premise is that all the men on the planet have been killed off and someone how this one guy and his monkey survive and no one knows why. This series focused more on the man character's relationship with his sister which was very interesting. To me the best part of this volume was the society of all women who were former prisoners. When you first meet these women all you know is that their community is way more advanced than any other one around and come it find out it is because they all lived in prison together. What is interesting is the thought that the only group of women who are really doing well in this post male society are the ones who were living in a non male society prior to this disaster. If you are looking for something different to get into, give these graphic novels a shot.

The fat photo

2010-06-17T13:01:00.006-04:00

Ok so we all have those photos of us that make us want to throw up. Well I saw one this weekend. I realize I am way overweight but sometimes it hits me harder then I want it to. This past weekend was my daughter's christening I went out and got a dress that I felt really good in. My hubby said I looked good and that I needed to stop looking for another dress because the one that would make me look 50 pounds thinner wasn't out there and this one was great. My best friend said it looks super good especially with my boobs that might now have their own orbit. So needless to say when I saw the below photo I got really upset. I know that realistically it was a horrible camera angle and the dress was all scrunched up from sitting in the church pew but it hit me. I am that big again, I am going to have to loose 80 plus pounds. I feel that this is a kick in the pants to get my butt in gear. Yet, I know I can't be too hard on myself because there were better photos of me looking really nice in that dress. Yet, there is always that negative voice in my head that needs to go!

Pageant Mom I'm Not

2010-06-16T08:18:00.004-04:00

So this past Saturday I entered my little girl into her first pageant. Our local town has a strawberry festival and you could enter kids and they would be judged on their use of the strawberry theme. I have no intention of being one of those mom's from Toddlers and Tiaras but she did have a super cute strawberry dress (a hand me down) and I figured what the hell. So I get her in her strawberry outfit, I even glued on a printed strawberry to her bow. Her father made fun of me telling me I was "that mother" well five minutes after we showed up at the pageant he turned to me and said "Ok so I take that back, you are soooooo not that mom, these wackos are" In the 0-12months category there were at least four or five little babies in full blown hand made strawberry costumes and the baby that won had a handmade white gown with strawberries and red lace sewn on it and her hair was done with a matching bow. I couldn't stop laughing at my own stupidity that I figured I was the one going overboard with the full strawberry outfit. Needless to say my little girl was a bit under dressed for this competition. And you know what that is ok, because I will never be that mother. The one in the competition after us 1-2 years whose daughter had a skirt that was made to look like a stuffed basket and her top made her look like the strawberry in the basket. I am totally ok with out being that mother although she was totally robbed of the title because she was clearly the cutest baby there!!!!

Repeat, Repeat, and then Repeat again

2010-06-10T08:01:00.003-04:00

Apparently no one informed me at three my son would during into a broken record. The kind that will ask a question 1000 times even though he already got an answer. Now I am not talking about the kid who asks a question and gets the answer they don't like (the big NO) Im talking about when he gets the answer he does like. As we are now one day away from my son coming home and staying home with me until I head back to work in September I start to wonder if I can do it. Not the stay at home with him thing, I mean the ability not to ignore him after the first question and run naked down the street naked for the co-po to come pick me up and take me away. For those who know it may seem odd that I have a lack of patience when it comes to this, I spend my day teaching 100 high school seniors (the low level ones with discipline problems no less) but I can handle them. Then again I have a certain way of dealing with them that does not work with my son. Please see below

MY OLD JOB WAY OF DEALING WITH REPEATING
Student "Do we have homework
Momma Hunt "Your homework tonight is to read pages 100-110 and take notes"
Student "Do we need to take notes"
Momma Hunt "Nope, not all. I just said to take notes for the fun"
Student "Oh I need to take notes...OK"
(Worked like a charm)

NEW JOB WITH OLD WAY OF DEALING WITH REPEATING
(The names have been changed to protect the guilty)
Reno the Repeater "Momma may I have dessert after my dinner"
Momma Hunt "Yes Reno you may after you finish your dinner"
Reno "Momma can I have dessert please"
Momma Hunt "No, You can't, that is why I just said yes"
Reno " MOMMMMMMAAAAAA I WANT DESSERT, YOU SAID I COULD HAVE DESSERT"
Momma Hunt "help me"

You can see how my usual tactic of dealing with this no longer works! Perhaps I need to revise my strategy. Or there is always that running naked down the street option (although my post baby body is not ideal for that)